A
male
age
36-40,
*rincmos
writes:Ok! I have a personal problem I want to ask you guys. When I was in high-school, I was single throughout. One day I remember I asked this girl for her telephone number. I didn't know much about her, but I knew her name. I just thought she was beautiful. So I did, and she willingly gave me her number. I called her up, only for her to tell me "I don't know you, and I just want to be honest, I am not seeking a relationship." Well, later she surprised me by marrying another guy a few months later. What did I do wrong? What did she mean when she said what she did? Also, the same thing happened to me with another girl. She was a girl at my church. I thought she was so cute. So I went up to her and started talking to her. I got her number. I wanted to take her out on a date, but I never got the chance. I always bought her things. I wasn't even dating her yet. I know this was stupid. She always ran away from me. When I asked her why she didn't want to date me, she told me "I don't know you." What are they communicating? I gave them the opportunity to know me. When I have done this...the girl tells me "I don't know you." I got so sick of it that I gave up on trying to date PERIOD. I didn't want to pull a move on another girl, and for many years I haven't because I'm afraid that she'll say...I don't know you. What I continued to do was just make friends. I had a lot of girl-friends, who I never wanted any close relationship with. It was wonderful, but I was lonely. And I have been lonely for more than 10 years now. What I really want is that companionship, but I don't know where to start. I feel stupid to be asking this. But...what did I and what am I doing wrong? Should I just go ahead and braze a girl, or should I just take it slow and be friends. I meet so many women every day at school. I don't know how or when to ask for a number. I don't know how to run a conversation. Funny thing is...I'm a pretty attractive guy. I am talented in music and I am athletic and extremely hard-working. I just can't get a girl, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I am so lonely that it is killing me. In this age where people use cell phones and talk on computers. It is so hard to get to know women on a personal level. One could say it is easier. But, I am from the old school. I love talking to people face to face. But, I get so emotional sometimes. I don't know if I should braze, or if I should take it slow. I get nervous that I am doing something wrong. And forget about personal level. How many guys just up and date a woman they completely know nothing about? Is this something I should do? Could I pull it off, given my terrible history. I don't just want to date some ugly girl. I'm just lonely and confused I guess. Please help me understand my problem. What is the proper approach here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): You should talk, and then see them again at church or wherever you next meet one you like, and talk, and talk and after at least four meetings, ask for a date.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 January 2010):
I think you need to talk to your female friends about this. They know you and can be honest.
It could be that these girls who turn you down just think you are coming on strong because of the way you asked for their number.
Talk to your friends and get tips from them on how to chat to a girl for a few minutes and get the best of yourself across.
Once you feel a connection is there - THEN ask for their number.
Good Luck!! xx
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