A
female
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anonymous
writes:Theres this guy who I have been chatting with online for a while now. I really do like him alot and he likes me alot too. He found me on a dating website, and contacted me first, despite the fact that I live in another city to him. I replied anyways, and we got talking lots. Turns out he has family who live in the same city as me and comes to visit sometimes. He really wants to meet me, and I really want to meet him too, but I dont like the idea of travelling to his city to meet him. I would rather he comes to my city and I think this is more fair considering he has family here. I dont know anyone int he city he lives in. I am a bit scared that he might turn out to be someweirdo. Having said that, I know hes not some old creepy guy pretending to be 20 because he hasa web cam.I would feel much more comfortable if he met me in my city, where I have control over where I go and will always know where I am, and at the end of the day, my family will be waiting for me to come home, where as if I go to his city, no one will know if something bad happens. Sometimes his behaviour is a bit weird, like one minute he will be saying hes going to come visit me in my city in September, the next he will be trying sooo desperatly to get me to come to his city. And hes even suggested we both go to the resort on a island for a holiday together for our first time when we meet! How do I convince him that he should come to my city first? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (27 July 2008):
 How about somewhere in between? That worked out very well for my current lady and myself, who met on-line and live 350 miles apart. We met over a weekend in a city roughly halfway between (actually it was a little closer to me, because exactly halfway was the middle of a bunch of corn fields). One good way is to plan to take rooms at separate motels, and have activities planned in public for the time you will be together. That way each of you will have your own "space" you can withdraw to if things don't work out.
For us, the meeting worked out very well, and now one or the other of us makes the 350 mile drive every other weekend, so we're together every two weeks and each of drives about once a month.
He's probably as nervous as you are, and there's no reason that the first meeting shouldn't represent a compromise between the two of you. Don't give in, but don't demand that he give in either. That's not a good way to start what you hope will be a serious relationship.
And above all, stay safe. Keep things public until you get to know him well enough that you feel comfortable alone with him.
A
female
reader, xxbecksyxx  +, writes (27 July 2008):
 Just remember that not all people you meet online are genuine. Make sure you take precautions before you decide to meet him.
Why don't you try and tell him about the attractions and things to do in your city, and try to persuade him with his intrests? He might be more willing to visit you first, that way.
If you know what he enjoys, you could suggest maybe doing that the first time he meets you. Say, if he's into golf, and you have mini golf in your city, invite him to come over and you could play a few games together for your first meeting.
Or you could tempt him over with offering to cook and pay, and he might be a bit more willing.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (27 July 2008):
 just say that you would like to meet in your city as it is were you feel comfortable and you dont know his city at all and it scares you a bit new place new person..you do want to meet him just in a comfortable zone and that you know many things you can do in your city on your first meet. and if he says no then dont do what your not comfortable with..you need to atleast tell a friend and always be somewhere public when meeting people on the net. be safe and keep well aphex xx
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