A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In the past two years my partner and I have split up three times, we have been together for 8 years in total. Each time it has been because he feels the grass is greener and then he returns begging forgiveness, crying, promising me he will change, that he has realised. Last year (the second time we split up) he slept with a younger girl (from the local pub). After that I decided I told him it was definitely over and I went on holiday with my friends and met someone else. This shocked him a little bit and he swore that he didn't want to lose me and would do everything he could to make it work, it lasted another 6 months.The last time we split up (at Christmas) I was really heart broken, I spent Christmas alone and had the most terrible time. When he came back begging I think I took him back because I couldn't be bothered being upset anymore. Rejection for the third time was too hard to take. I just wanted everything back the way it was. I told him that it would take me a long time to ever trust him again and that I didn't actually think it would be possible to trust him again. We have been back together for 6 months and I have moved back in for the last two. Now he has done everything that he promised he would do, he doesn't go out all the time like he used to, he makes time to spend with me, everything I asked for while he was begging me to take him back but I can't trust him. I am scared of letting my defences down incase he pulls the rug from under my feet again, I don't want to get to settled in the house because its me that has to move out when it falls apart. Also I get really jealous if I hear girls in the background when he is out, I suspect every girl he sits near is the girl he slept with (he won't tell me who it was). He opened an account on a social networking site that I have been on for years and four girls from the pub requested to be his friend and I hit the roof, threatened to move out if he added them. I can here myself moaning at him and I hate what I am saying. We have been in such a destructive place for too long and I am really struggling to get back to normality. The whole world seems to think we should just split up but he is giving it another chance and I am not. I want to but I can't let go of the past. Any advice on getting over past hurt, maybe getting a bit of confidence back so I don't sound like a crazy girlfriend all the time. I have never been jealous like this with anyone before. I am annoying myself and he is pulling his hair out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): You have been with this guy for 8 years and you are only around 26? You need to move out of that house and move out now....until a man asks you to marry him it is never a great thing to live with him, he will not have to buy the cow when he gets the milk for free. You have already let him know he can dump you take up with another woman, sleep with her, and you will take him back with a little begging and crying....and now you have moved in and I bet you are assuming the role of wife or home keeper....what a great deal....for HIM.
The guy has been taking you for granted....8 years is too long to date one man, it doesn't take 8 years to get engaged, you are wasting your time with him and you don't trust him and you are hurt by what he does to you, and you know that he will pull the rug out from under you because he has done it repeatedly....it wasn't over anything you did, he just got bored.
Ditch this loser and don't look back...it will be like a weight has lifted from your mind and heart. Be single, be you, get a life of your own, be happy and the right man will find you.....he won't be able to recognize you now as you have a sign accross your forehead that says doormat, and I belong to this guy's deadbeat feet....for wiping on.....not Welcome into my heart.
A
female
reader, AskSusie  +, writes (27 July 2008):
Hi anonymous,I'm 29, we are in a similar age bracket so I'm just going to be downright honest with you.I think you need to move on. This person has left you three times in the past, and from my experience, a pattern is a pattern. What happens in a short period of time in a repetition mode, will happen in a long period of time, in the same mode of repitition.I feel that you are an intelligent and strong girl who knows what she wants and deep down, you don't want this particular pattern of events in your life. It's dragging you down.I look back and I wish I spent my time and energy on more positive things in life than deadbeat boyfriends.I hope I have influenced you so that you trust yourself and believe in yourself enough to let go and move on.Good luck dear friend,AskSusie
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