A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 23 year old female in a relationship with a 33 year old divorced man. I live with him and we have discussed getting engaged this upcoming summer. My problem is, he already has 4 children from his previous marriage but I do not have any. How do I convince him to try to have another? I wanted more then one child but can understand due to the circumstances only asking for one. He doesn't want any. help
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 January 2010):
All the girls here have given really good advice. I'll give you the male's point of view. He doesn't want any and you can't convince him to have more. That's it. I know you love this guy, but sadly if you marry with him, you'll either never have children, or worse still you'll accidentally fall pregnant and he will just desert you. If a man doesn't want children, there is nothing you can do to convince him otherwise. You need to think about this relationship.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (21 January 2010):
If he is trying to convince you not to have any kids then you need to really think about if you want to be with someone that selfish. He has 4 and at your age you can't have any? I would walk away. Right now you're in love and nothing else matters, but 5 years from now this will be the only thing that does matter to you. He will be much older and definitely even more against it. Rule of thumb; if a man is not the one suggesting/ pushing to have kids, then don't have them. Men can end up giving in just to end the argument but over time he builds resentment that he was 'talked' into something he didn't want and may possibly start an affair, start coming home late etc just to avoid the sound of the screaming baby he didn't want. Also have a close look at how he treats his own children. Is he utterly besotted and spends a lot of time or does he put in his once weekly visits and that's it? Be very careful, a child that had to be convinced is no way to begin a lasting marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): He does try to convince me not to have any. But to me that is part of a mature relationship. talking out the issues we disagree on. You really didn't answer my question. You stated that I should try to convince him, but honestly that wasn't the question. We are financially stable, have a house of our own, and he resources required to take care of a baby. I believe, but could be wrong that his greatest fear of having another is that in his head, a child ups his risk of divorce, and statistically I cannot argue with that point.
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