A
female
age
51-59,
*abe71
writes:I have been with my partner since Christmas 2009 - we both have children from previous marriages - my son is 5 and his son is 18 but his son suffers with Dyspraxia. I always said that I wanted two children but obviously with my marriage breakdown this never happened. I love my new partner and want to spend the rest of my life with him but always in the back of my mind is that I can never have his baby. After his son was born he had a vasectomy. He is 49 and I am 38 and I so want to have his baby but he will not even consider it. He says he is too old, but I dont believe that is the reason - I think he is more frightened that if he has another child they will suffer with the same disability.Can anyone give me some advice on how I can convince him that we can have another baby - I know the chances are slim with him having a vasectomy but if there is a chance I want to take it.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 June 2010):
All I'm saying is he has made his decision. One thing that I have noticed on this site is the amount of women who try to change men or change men's minds. It never works. Women need to steer clear of attempting to change men. Your husband has said flatly he will not consider another child. He has made his decision. He didn't have to get the vasectomy, whatever was said. He didn't. That was a joint decision that he agreed to. And this guy is not like your 55 year old who decided he did want kids. One wanted children, the other now doesn't. I don't think you'll be able to change his mind. If you want another child, it will not happen with this man.
A
female
reader, babe71 +, writes (29 June 2010):
babe71 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Caring Guy the reason he had the vasectomy was because his wife at the time didnt want anymore children. He has already told me this. She felt she should give him a child, although she already had two children from another marriage. I have to say that the father of my 5 year old was actually 55 when my son was born.
To pepper27 we did discuss children at the time but we also had a lot of other things going on in our lives at the time and never fully discussed it - but did know how each other felt. I just know that this is the guy that I wish I had met a long time ago - he is my soulmate - and the thought that I will never have a part of him in the form of his child his heartbreaking but I just do not know how I can tell him this as I dont want to lose him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 June 2010):
It may be a chance you want to take, but he has made it more than clear it won't happen. The vasectomy was meant to be permanent because he doesn't want another child. It's not the disability that worries him. He had his child, and just doesn't want anymore. And it has to be said that at 49, he's not too old but old enough that this could affect certain life choices further down the road such as retirement. I'm afraid it just isn't going to happen. No matter how honest you are, how convincing you want to be, this man had a vasectomy straight after his child was born to make sure no others came along. That's how permanent he wanted this to be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): You haven't been together long!
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (29 June 2010):
 Hi Hunny
I really dont think that anyone can give you advise on how to convince your partner to have a child. I can understand you wanting a child but it needs two consenting adults and your parnter is saying he feels to old and really doesnt want any more children..
This is very important to you sweetheart I realise this but surely when you both started dating you spoke about children as time went on and his answer must have always been the same..Whether the reason is he feels he is to old or he is worried about another child been born with Dyspraxia. There is a reason to him, So it is only you two as a couple who can discuss this and come to a decition..The only advise I can offer you is to talk with him openly and honestly about how you feel and see where it goes from there...TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XX
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