A
female
age
36-40,
*rookesmommy1101
writes:My boyfriend just broke up with me 4 days ago and I really can't let go. We've only been dating 3 months but I felt a huge connection with him. Maybe it was because he was older (i'm 22, he's 34), or maybe its because of something deeper. But the reason that we broke up is because we have both been under alot of stress lately, and I have been drinking alot. When I would drink I would get angry at him for the stupidest things and on Friday night we got into a huge argument about him going to another night club with a friend when i thought he was with his other friends. I really want him back and I know that I have been very selfish. He still answers my calls and texts so I know he still cares but he said he can't see us going any further with this relationship. How can I convince him that I will change? How can I get him back?
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (25 June 2008):
 Hi, Good for you, take care and put yourself first, there will be room for others, if you take good care of yourself.
A
female
reader, Brookesmommy1101 +, writes (25 June 2008):
Brookesmommy1101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who answered. I am going to show him I can change and see how it goes. I'm going to give it a month or two and see what happens. I'm not going to sit around and wait though. if he wants to do him, i'm going to have to do me. Thanks so much!!!
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (24 June 2008):
Hi, He broke up with you because of stress related issues,
was your drinking, as you mentioned in your letter, part of the stress related problems. You seem to realize what you have done, on your side to cause some of the problems. The thing is, that you recognize the problems a little late. Since you say that he still responds to you, and texts you back. I would stop pressuring him, to come back into a relationship with you and do what it takes to (1) stop drinking so much (2) control your fits of possessiveness
(3)which is tied to 2, improve your self-esteem (4) love yourself more. These are things which you have in your letter, either stated or between the lines. If you improve your self-esteem, you will cease to argue with him about who he was with, this can turn into harrassment, men don't like to be harrassed. The drinking makes you start arguments probably, not a healthy thing for a woman anyway, and drinking can worry the person you care about. He doesn't know where you are going with it. If you care about a person, you have to let them be themselves, and love you back in their way, not badger them, this only turns them away. You may still have a chance with this individual, but you must change and you must regain his trust, which could be hard. He wants to know who he is going to be with, the person he cares, about or someone who has let alcohol
control their actions. Suppose he is considering marrying you and have you bear his children, if you agree to, if that happens, how could he tolerate a partially inebriated woman, who does not trust him with his friends, as his wife and the mother of his children. So think about it, and see if you care enough about this man to change your habits. Now, after you try and succeed in changing, that does not mean he will be back for sure, you have to give it time and see. Work to regain his trust, not by trying to pursuade him, but by showing him through actions. Remember as well, your changing will be for your good, you must be your own best friend, before you can be true to someone else. Very good luck to you in your quest. Take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, neverguesswho +, writes (24 June 2008):
Hun.... I am 23 and I'm in a relationship with a 37yr old man. Let me say... age doesn't matter that much. The thing you need to realize however is that he has had much more experience than you and he isn't going to put up with the stupid, peddy fights b/c he has most likely been down that road before.
Sorry if that is harsh but that's how I see it.
As far as if you should get back together.... ummmm... I would give that time. Back off for a bit (as far as keeping intouch) and see how you feel. The truth is, there could have been underlying reasons for your breakup.... there is usually a 3/4 month mark where ppls true colors or feelings surface... so like I said... sit back and really give it time.
If you are serious about changing than do so for yourself now.
If in a month or two you want to give it a try again.... call him and by that time he will have had a chance to sort out his feelings too.... then maybe if your on the same page you two can give it another go.
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