A
male
age
41-50,
*osep1020
writes:im in a bit of a predicament. my current girlfriend and i have been going out for almost 5 months now. i stayed with her for a month, and things were going great, really great. i found out about this guy that she was talking to her before me, he is in the army was in iraq when they were talking, blah blah blah. she says that she grew feelings for him, he told her he wanted her to have his child, that he wanted to marry her. he got back from iraq, but me and her started seeing each other and really hit things off. all her family likes me, her kids like me. how do i continue seeing my girlfriend when she has feelings for me and the other guy. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 I think there has to be a certain level of honesty here.
OK, this may sound brutal but it needs to be said, at the end of the day you are not dating her family or her children for that matter, you are dating her and she is the important one in all of this.
If she is not 100% committed to the two of you then I don't see how this relationship can ever grow into anything more than that.
You say she was TALKING to this other guy, was this in person or online? If it was online and he was starting to say to her about her having his children etc, then I would most definitely be suspicious. Unless he has actually met her and then have hit it off it is a little bit FAST to start planning the rest of your life without actually meeting someone first.
I would be very cautious of this friend, depending on if he is real or just an online buddy?
I started to talk to someone online once and it quickly turned into the fact that he was professing love and again saying about our lives together and I had never met this person, it wasn't that long afterwards though that he mentioned the fact that he had hurt himself whilst being abroad doing his fantastic work in the charity he was involved in and unfortunately his credit card could not be accepted by this doctor as he needed to pay him in cash and suddenly I was being asked to transfer about £200 via Great Western or something similar money transfer system directly to a particular account and he would pay me back etc!! Alarm bells were ringing by this point and I told him where to go in no uncertain terms.
Has your gf talked any more about this guy?
Has she made any arrangements to meet up with him either?
I would say that you need to talk to her quite seriously and ask her what she wants out of this relationship as you don't deserve to be playing second fiddle to any other man, she either wants you or she wants him - that is if he truly exists.
Sometimes you can get caught up in the fantasy but the reality is not the same at all! Believe me I found that out the hard way but I didn't get conned, my own inner senses kicked in but there are plenty of other women out there who fall pray to unscrupulous guys. Most of them seem to operate out of Africa but they have this con ring going and can be talking to women all around the world.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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