A
female
age
30-35,
*assion2315
writes:This is so similar to the way i feel. Im extremley jealous of my boyfriends ex, not to mention im the jealous type period. They were together on and off since 5th grade (currently 21). They accomplished soo much together. They went to their proms together, graduated, he played basketball - she cheered, traveled together (vegas, mexico, etc) and not to mention were each others first everything. It just seems like they were meant to be. (also considering thats a time range of about 12 years!) They broke up in june for good, only because a simple, pointless argument, he's bad with time. She was upset and said she didnt wana be with him anymore so he was like, whatever - bye! Then she wanted him back, but he said he was done. He claims they faught alot, mainly over time and such. I also had recently got out of a relationship in begining of may, but it was NOWHERES as serious. We had been good friends for about 9 months and dated for about 5. Me and my current met in june and started talking end of July. I had heard from his brothers girlfriend about how strung out and depressed he was over her. They would text every now and then but rarley. She also has a new boyfriend. Our relationship progressd really fast and as much as it sound wrong to state, so did relations. We also lived in the same house so it was hard to stay away from eachother. He lived with his brother, i lived down the street but stayed there as a full time nanny of 5. He quit talking to her for the most part but i would see phone calls from her every now and then and also some texts saying she misses him and will always love him, he supposedly did not respond back. About 2 months of us talking, 8 days before he introduced me to her at a fair, he commented her saying he wanted to see her and hang out because he missed her. Also that night i found a picture message of a post-it she made him years ago "im missing you" he sent her 3 days befor i found it. I litterally felt so hurtt. Not to mention he was sleeping right next to me. I woke him up and we got into a huge argument, i was extremelyy upset and confused. He begged for another chance so i gave him it. Everyone deserves a second chance right? well now its been months, she still calls but he doesnt answer. I noticed he deletes them alot too, not sure why. Another thing, their phones are on a family share plan together, but he doesn't pay her part any longer. Besides that, im crazy about this guy. Hes amazing. He takes me out to eat, offers to take me shopping, does my laundry time and time, and we can have fun doing nothing, sitting at home watching movies and t.v. I cant get enough of him! But i also cant get his ex girlfriends name out of my headd! all i can think about is how happy they were. Yesterday we went to stay at his moms for the night where he hasnt really been since they broke up. I felt so uncomfortable. There were stil pictures of them all over the house, not just his room. There was post-its alll over his room too, saying i love you, and a few saying i miss you (including the one in the txt). All in all this boy is amazing, always on my mind, (the few hours im not with him), i cant get enough of him. He makes me so happy, even with out the money, going out to eat and such. We live 20-30 mins away from eachother, and since the day i met him i have LITTERALY never gone a day without seeing and being with him. Dont think im in love but have plenty of love for him. Anyways, im extremely scared to get hurt, and already a very sensitive, emotional person. But i feel like my fears are starting to take over. So how do i conquer my fears before they conquer my relationship? Or do i stop talking to him and maintain a friendship before i get hurt worse? What should i do?
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, ex girlfriend, his ex, I love you, jealous, money, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, littlemomma +, writes (9 September 2008):
 I know EXACTLY what your going through. My husband was engaged to another girl before we got together. We were friends while they were together, and I was always a bit jelouse of there relationship...I mean they were tight as can be!!! But like a month before their wedding she broke it off. It tore him to pieces! I was just trying to be there for him as a friend but a few months later he ended up asking me out. Things were going great until that Christmas. I was put in foster care and allowed to stay at his mom's...we had gone to Cal. to visit some of his family and when we got back...I felt like I was going to die or something. His ex (who had married someone else and had a baby) left him a message on the HOME phone...saying how she was wrong to leave him and missed him and all...and then even said that her child might be his...which would mean he had had sex with her while we were together...she also said she wanted to see him and wanted him back. It sucked! But he told me that he wanted nothing to do with her, that the kid WASNT his and that he loved me and only me. I trusted him, but was still on the paranoia side. Plus, clear up to a few months ago he would still say her name in his sleep or while we were doing other things. But I just talked to him about it and let him know how much it hurt to hear him say her name. He always said he didnt remember ever saying her name and would apoligize and hold me and all. It helped a lot and now he doesnt say anything about her anymore. I still think about their relationship (even though we have been married for over a year and have a 3 month old) and proly will forever wonder if he does still love her and such...but the only thing I (and you) can really do is talking to our guys and just trust them. That's the biggest thing in a relationship...trust. If you dont have that then you dont have anything really.I hope this helps a little!! GOOD LUCK!!
A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (9 September 2008):
 it sounds like their relationship is really close and pretty mixed up, and you have a right to be cautious.
that being said, in my opinion it really sounds like ever since he asked for another chance he has done his job well. not only is he not answering, but he knows that even a sign of her bothers you and he is deleting them... do your best to trust him!
some people are meant to be together, but some people are in a very long-term relationship one day and quit it the next... it all depends!
will you regret breaking up with him over fear of being hurt? you might get hurt either way... from breaking up with him, or with him going back to the ex.
so just take what he is offering you at face value for now, until there is a bigger sign at how things are doing. do what makes you happy in the moment =] and most importantly, communicate with him.
good luck!
...............................
|
