| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend just lost his father to cancer (with whom he had a strained relationship) and his way of dealing with it is ignoring his feelings and brushing off the topic. I see that he is shutting himself down emotionally - he's short tempered with me and tells me to stop at the very mention of his family members or my condolences. I want to give him his space but at the same time just be there with him for support. Any suggestions or words of advice? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (12 May 2014):
 Hi,
Mourning is a very intimate thing, I think you have been there for him as much as you can be. Now it's time to step back and let him cope.
When I was 8 I lost my great grandfather, was in the same room when he passed on. The problem is, people tell you what they think you need to hear and that upset's you. Things like, 'it heals with time, he's in a better place' etc.
The thing is, your rational mind has all that information, but when someone close passes away you don't want to be rational. You want to be raw and emotional to scream and get it out.
I liken it to a growing flower, if you water it too much because you think it needs more water, you could in fact end up drowning it.
A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (12 May 2014):
 Speaking as someone who lost his father at a young age, you've done all you can for the time being. Everyone mourns and handles loss in their own way.
Just give him his space when he needs it but be available to him if and when he decides he wants to talk about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (11 May 2014):
Do as he says, you have said enough. To him if you keep probing it feels like an intrusion. It is just the way he is and no insult to you. If they had a bad relationship he is coming to terms with that and a whole mix of feelings. One will be anger. Keep it light so he does not turn it on you. If people keep asking me about my feelings I too am tempted to tell them to shove it! If I want to talk I will. I manage my own feelings and don't want people setting themselves up as my therapist. He sounds similar.
...............................
|
