A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do I come to terms with celibacy and life as a single person, continuous search just makes me unhappy, and distracts me from leading a fuller life in other ways. I've spent the past twenty years bringing up two girls on my own, they've recently both left home for university. I thought I had come to terms with being on my own, single male parents don't get dates and trying the various routes back into relationships, just made me look desperate. So I stopped looking and trying and just did other things and focused on being a dad. Up until recently the house was always full of my daughters friends. Now I guess I'm suffering from flown nest syndrome in addition to hating the silence, but without someone to share it with.I hate feeling and looking like a lonely guy, because there is a lot of life in me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2013): Dude you did the right thing raising your daughters and making them number one. Don't go looking for love. Just put yourself in a situation where you are around females that come close to meeting your values then see what happens.Be open to group social stuff: like ski trips, hiking clubs etc. and see what happens.If a woman notices you or you notice a woman show some interest. It will come eventually. I am married man, about your age and not looking. In groups women flock to me like flies to honey just because I talk to them. Nice women are more plentiful than nice men... I have been propositioned more time than I care to admit. it's flattering but, i don't go there. Nice women are willing to take their chances stealing a nice man cuz there are so few nice men. I'm not saying to lead the girls on, but the men are in control sir.One other point... your story about raising and devotion to your daughters is cat-nip for single MILFS... I didn't make the rules... it just is. Give it time
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): Why don't you take the initative to start a local MeetUp group in your area precisely for the things you want? if you're already very socially active yet still lonely and no friends then perhaps your interpersonal skills could use some improvement?I guess I am not sure how it is that you say you're already active in groups that share your passions and yet still have no friends? If it is specifically dating that you want then why not use dating websites?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): Get on the dating websites :) there are plenty of dating websites that offer the criteria that you fit. mature dating, single parents etc. There are websites now that detail they are exclusive to help indivuals such as yourself. least you will have the opportunity to meet individuals who are exactly in your boat, they have a life but just want to meet someone who is looking for what you want the person to share those quiet nights with etc. who knows. My youngest has recently gone ton university 6 hours away and i am a professional myself, i have friends and a healthy active social, hobby etc. its been good so far, this was suggested to me by a friend so i thought id pass on advice :) good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2013): Thank you for your replies (all 7 of you), you all mean well but in essence all you are saying is:- Become active, join a few clubs- Rediscover who I am - Or, age related solutions ... go to tea dancesI couldn't be more active in terms of community work, using my skills organising.I don't want to get into "my age zone" ghetto ... the tea dance thing.I know I have to keep fit and exercise and keep my mind active, and the spare time I have now means that I can focus on being the academic that I'm employed to be writing/researching. But it is still the isolation in returning home or even in social groups ( I am not a recluse ) ... remind me of the early days single parent, the Guy at the mother and toddlers relegated to reading my newspaper in the corner.I really have a self identity I don't need to enter a journey of discovery. I'm single and older and to be honest the thing that most appealed to me last week was joining the scramble for a Glastonbury Ticket not a tea dance! I wasn't successful [ obtaining tickets ] and my daughters and their boyfriends were keen to go with me were equally disappointed. I just wish there was some kind of social networking site out there for single people that included the over 40 who want to go wild and mad and outside of an age-related ghetto.I'm fit and healthy not unattractive, rather challenged on the hair front, but have come to terms with the reality that no one would want to shag me! But, I'm just not ready to settle down in the garden!Are there people out there that want to form a commune?
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (8 October 2013):
 You need to get out there and join a few things. If you like walking then you could join one of the hundreds of walking groups around the country. Join a theatre group or some kind of hobby group where you will get to meet other people. In other words fill up your life with other activities so you won't have time to feel lonely. I actually belong to a singles social organisation in the north west and it's a life saver to so many people. There may be similar where you live. A massive singles event is dancing, ballroom and ceroc (which all men say they can't do and which most men become very good at!). I'm sure your daughters don't want you to have a life of lonliness.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (7 October 2013):
 I don't agree that single dads dont get dates. Im single and my kids have grown up and dating someone else who had kids would feel more comfortable and familiar than dating someone who'd never been married or raised children.
It's clear you are doing what all us single people do, you are trying to live a fulfilling life whilst beating yourself up about not having a partner.
I think things on the dating scene have become complicated and there are people connecting and getting involved with many others through the internet and social network sites and it can leave you feeling a bit like you are on a production line. Most of us have to get off the track because it feels akward and insincere when really we just want someone to get to know us over time and not have the confusion and temptation of other people getting in the way.
Men have the added option of dating outside their age range and this has helped a lot of men find love again, whereas older women tend to get overlooked.
Give yourself time and try to ward off loneliness by keeping good ties with family and friends (thats what I do)
Eventually someone will come along who you will want to know better and you can restart your romantic life again.
Good luck and keep your chin up!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2013): Welcome to the single world I am in the same boat as you are I stop having sex also I have been celibate for 11 years my three children are grown.Now It's just me but I don't really let it bother me until I come home to an empty room but I just keep staying strong for my soulmate whomever he may be. So don't worry one day your true love will come:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2013): We all go through different life stages and now as your kids are grown you are finding that so much of your identity was wrapped up into being a parent that now you have this gaping void. It is time to gt hack in touch with yourself and rediscover who you are. Don't focus so much on the celibacy issue. Before you can be ready for a healthy dating relationship you need to have your own identity formed and feel comfortable in your own skin which rout now it looks like you aren't. Take time to explore what your own interests are and create a fulfilling life for yourself in the here and now. Get back in touch with your friends and other family. Make new friends. Try new hobbies. You don't need to be dating successfully to not feel lonely. Women aren't attracted to guys who have no life of their own and are seeking a dating partner to give them a life. Concentrate on plugging back into society and making new friends or reconnecting with old ones.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2013): Get involved in community activities and make a new set of friends. Volunteer for charitable organizations or take part in sports teams or Obed special interest groups.You don't need a romantic relationship to not be lonely. You need to not be so socially isolated that's all. Humans are social creatures we need to be around other people and have strong supportive relationships for good mental health. The problem is when men in particular have no other social relationship other than a wife or romantic partner and don't know where else to look for social needs to be met other than by a romantic partner.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 October 2013):
 Single dads don't get dates? Really? I am divorced and single. As a single mom I would only date single dads so those young, never married guys won't leave me for a younger woman to share that "first time parent" experience with.
Maybe in your case, dating whether it's online, at work or social activities just didn't work for you for some reason.
There are many ways to break the silence and that doesn't always have to be dating and relationships. Your job as a full time dad now becomes part time. When you introduce yourself to people you no longer tell them your daughters are your priority, you have more time on your hands. I think you should keep trying and not let the past discourage you because clearly your life has changed again.
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