A
female
age
41-50,
*ountryaly76
writes:Some of you know my relationship history with the long distance relationship. Well it has been over since July, and I'm happy to say I don't feel stressed anymore. On another note. I have let my ex husband move back in with me and we are trying to work through everything we have even seeked counselling. I'm not sure that it will work and I think it's my fault. Something just doesn't feel right, I have trouble being comfortable being in the same room with him. I can't stand to watch him eat, the way he smells and sometimes the sound of his voice. Yeah I know that sounds weird. Is something wrong with me. In therapy they say I'm trying to distance myself to not get hurt. I don't know if I believe that. I know I have trust issues with him from all of the lies. And we have bedroom problems to, I feel I'll when I think about him touching me. I used to be very attracted to him but now I just can't. And sometimes his equipment doesn't work right either. Which makes me feel like maybe he isn't attracted to me anymore. I guess all I'm asking is if anyone has ever felt this way and maybe knows how to get past it. Any advice is appreciated.
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (9 October 2013):
 Thank you for the reply :)
OK I see why he's there but this is awful for you.
You are so clearly unhappy.
I remember when my ex husband and I first split up, he had to carry on living with me for a while until his own place was sorted and I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel uncomfortable around him.
Despite the fact that we had been married 6 years I couldn't just shower and get in my jammies and slob in front of the telly in the evening if he was there because it didn't feel right anymore.
Just hearing his key in the lock when he got home from work annoyed me!
I can't help thinking that the counselling is a good idea for you both to work out why he lies and help you understand the emotional mess he left with you with.
I don't think however that this relationship is going to work because I don't think you're in love with him anymore, you don't even fancy him!
The counsellor may have point that your distancing yourself from this relationship but the reason for that may not be the past and his lies, it may be the fact that your in a situation you know, deep down, is wrong for you.
I don't know what you can do about your housing situation because whether you decide to carry on giving this relationship a go or decide to let it go, you need your own space.
I really feel for you and hope things work out the way you would like them too.
I hope this helps AB x
A
female
reader, countryaly76 +, writes (8 October 2013):
countryaly76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason that he has moved back in really wasn't my choice. It is he house that was built on my property. So he is entitled to be here. We do not share the same bed, he has his own room. I'm not afraid to be alone, I actually enjoy being alone. I'm much happier when it's just me and the kids.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (8 October 2013):
You're getting over the break up of a LDR and have decided to give things another go with your ex husband and you're both having counselling.
Well that's great BUT why on earth has he moved in already?
With the help of counselling you need to identify the reasons you guys broke up and work at resolving those problems and healing the emotions caused by those issues before you take that relationship further.
Counselling is not a cure all and can't guarantee fixing this relationship. It may help you understand the why's and wherefores of the problems experienced but it can't make you fall in love!
You two should be taking it slowly, going on dates together, talking on neutral territory such as restaurants, coffee shops and the like.
And as for the bedroom! I for one could not have sex with a man I didn't fancy or love.
I think the counselling is a great idea and wish you both well if this is what you really want but (and there it is again) you say the way he eats, smells and his voice, irritate and turn you off.
You say that you feel ill when he touches you, so why, oh why is he living with you and sharing your bed until you have resolved the issues and decided as to whether there is future and you love each other?
This doesn't make sense to me at all.
I can't help thinking that your scared to be alone and are clinging to any relationship under the guise of better the devil you know.
You need time and space to deal with everything going on in your life, and more time to discover what makes you happy and what you want out of life.
Don't ever settle for second best and hold your head up with pride.
As I often say (and this, I feel, may be becoming my mantra)
read your letter back to yourself, imagine a close friend has shared this with you, what do you see and what would you tell her?
You know in your heart what to do don't you?
I hope this helps AB x
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