A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, im 17 years old and im gay. i really want to tell my parents but im absolutely terrified, i really dont know what to do, i cant feel my self around them and im allways watching what i say and do. what makes it worse is that my parents dont have the slightest clue. is there anyone that has been through this and can give me your stories, this would help so much. thanks alot Reply to this Question
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 Coming out... is a VERY difficult and PERSONAL issue. There's no one right way to do it.
Rejection is the biggest obstacle when coming out. We're afraid to lose the trust/affection of those we most love and that's usually what prevents us from doing so.
It's also very difficult to really judge who will and will not reject you. That person you THOUGHT was your best friend in the whole world, may just turn out to be your worst enemy afterwards... OR they may love you for just who you are. You never really know.
Sometimes... it's easier to come out to siblings as in erinmarie's case. If you are an only child obviously this approach won't work.
If you are concerned that one parent... or the other won't take it at all... I would suggest talking to the one that might. A way to broach the subject might be to bring up some current affair - such as gay marriage or a gay bashing - to find out their opinions on the subject.
If you still can't figure out a way to talk to your parents about it... then seek the counsel of your church minister or a school counsellor or even a local PFLAG group - there's only ONE in the UK at www.parentsofgays.co.uk
Invariably they will feel some sort of 'what did I do wrong' guilt issues. You just have to keep reassuring them that they did nothing wrong... it's just how you are. You also have to tell them that you've been agonizing over the issue all along and it's not something you CHOSE.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Well, I'm not gay, but I'm all for expressing who you are when you feel you should, so do just that. Here's the thing, though.. if you want to tell them, without them expressing any possible negative feedback, write a small note on paper, stating exactly what you would want to tell them in person, and leave it lying somewhere that only they will see it, but that they're bound to notice it. Make sure it's at a time when you know you'll be out by the time they read it. By the time you come back home, they'll have thought about everything and they'll be respectful and understand. This alleviates the burden of having to speak to them face to face, which would be much more difficult. Being they're your parents, they'll be alot more concerned about just making sure you come back home after doing something so brave, and they'll be happier to see you when you return, than you think.
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A
female
reader, erinmarie +, writes (29 June 2010):
well im female but im not gay in anyway but my brother is, i was the first to know about him being gay, my parents are very strait people, what me and my brother did was sit them on the couch and tell them, my dad didnt react so well but he got used to it in time, no matter what you are still there child and they will love you no matter what!
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