A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all.I need an advice. I'm a 41 years old woman. Recently I met a guy. When he approached me I thought he was my at least exact age or maybe 2 or 3 yrs young. When we met I told him that im 37 then he said his 37 too. Then 5 months down the line I saw his identity document that his only 35 yrs old. So I dont know what to do because of his age. I'm now head over heels for him and to tell him my exact age its something else. My fear is that I might lose him as I've been battling to find love and I even want to have a baby cause I guess its now or never. I do love him and willing to do whatever is right to have him in my life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2021): Hi
when you are an old lady of 92 and he is an old man of 86, will that 6 year age difference matter a jot?
Serves you right for telling porkies, speak the truth in future and be proud of your age, don't encourage ageism by been ashamed of your age, be proud of who and what you are.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2021): I'm sorry to hear that you are so anxious that you have to lie. That is never a good start.
The fact that he lied too was because he KNEW (or guessed that you are older than you say you are.
I'd just say it, my age I mean. You see, if you can't muster the courage to come clean about this little thing, wait till you have to shove down his throat your biological clock (the marriage and the baby thing).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2021): I don't think it's necessarily such a big deal that both of you lied about your age. It's more like a 'white lie' born out of nerves and attraction, and probably the kind of thing you could laugh off together. Really, it depends on how much weight you give to this and what tone you bring to it - it doesn't necessarily pave the way for more lies. It's not ideal, no, but I think is more a reflection on both of your insecurities about being accepted by someone else. I've been with someone for 28 years now, and originally told him I had 'savings'. We still laugh about this now as it was a lame attempt to give the impression I was really together as a person - definitely not an attempt to come across as wealthy. I probably had about a fiver in the bank. Today, lots of hard work later, I actually do have savings. He's also six years younger than me, so I'd say the age difference isn't necessarily a big thing for you both - I know lots of couples where the woman is older, including a couple where she is 12 years older. You have to come clean though - he will probably be relieved because he's probably wondering how on earth he can tell you how old he really is too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2021): The best and straight forth course is sit him down and tell him you have a confession to make and tell him you lied about your age. Let us face it most women lie about their age so it is not such a big deal. He should understand that. Probably he will confess that he lied too about his age. If he loves you he wouldn't give it much importance.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (19 April 2021):
 This is why its so important to start a new relationship based on truth and honesty.
when you start something on a lie then you have got to continue that lie forever more, and this is hard work, energy draining.
My advice would be to start over with him and just come clean about your age and just let the chips fall where they may.
If if walks away then at least you can feel comfoertable in the fact that you did the right thing and told the truth.
The age gap is not really significant at all really, don't know why you just never told the truth in the start.
Anyway, we can't unscramble scrambled eggs OP, whats done is done. All you can do now is tell him the truth and see what transpires.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (19 April 2021):
 Ok so you both lied. Its not a great way to start a relationship! Why not just come clean and say "Hey, I found out that you weren't quite honest about your age. I know how old you are. I fibbed about my age too. I'm really 41." Then go from there and see what happens. Secrets don't stay secrets forever and its best that you wipe the slate clean and see where it goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2021): The age difference is not that significant. The question is, are you both on the same page about love? He's lying to you, and that's not a good foundation to establish a trusting-relationship.
You want a man and a baby. I sense no matter what warnings and red-flags you see ahead of you; you're going to throw all caution to the wind. Our advice is usually useless once we get the disclaimer: "I do love him..."
Does he love you back? Has he committed to you? Why haven't you addressed the matter regarding the lies about his age? That's pretty significant if you're going to bring babies into this.
Not sure what kind of advice you're looking for? If you can't get pregnant, will you keep him? Will he still want you, if you're past the age of childbearing?
You better lay it all out on the table. Ask all the pertinent questions and address those lies.
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