A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband told me he doesn't want to go out shopping as much, because a guy he used to know from high school is harassing him.... this was three weeks ago.The kicker? He's a cop now.Jason used to be in high school in Alberta with my husband Scott, and I didn't know him at the time (he finished in 2002, we were never in the same high school, I lived in Vancouver at the time) and they weren't great friends but not frenemies, just seeing each other in passing.Jason saw my husband as he was leaving the supermarket and said he hadn't seen him for years, and that he'd wanted to ask him a private question. (Jason was in his uniform at the time).Jason told him how he'd become a cop in 2013 after deciding to switch careers to be a salesman, then moved to Manitoba from Ontario for a fresh start away from sales, he'd met his then-girlfriend who became a wife who was a nurse-in-training at the time in late 2012.He didn't move to our town until mid-2013.My husband spoke to him in an area of the car park where there were few people, and Jason told him he wanted to see him in his underwear, and told my husband "my wife wouldn't agree to this, but I've got to see a guy in his underwear every so often, only way I can get horny, besides, you're the sort of guy who could only look good in my wife's highwaist bikini if you'll come over to my house and try it on when she's at work, it's what I need.... I'll give you $500 if you wear three of them.".He told Jason a flat-out "NO" but a few days later, Jason showed up at our house, demanded to speak to my husband. I didn't recognize the cop at our door, wondered why we had a cop yelling at me, especially as we'd never had major interactions with the police.Jason had explained he was an old school friend of my husband's, hadn't seen him for 18 years, and that he had business to talk to.My husband spoke to him that day (bear in mind, it was 7am when he came to my house, I was getting ready to leave for work as a delivery driver).When I got in from work, he told me how Jason kept pressurising him to wear his wife's high-waisted colorful bikinis and offered him $2,000 in cash to do it, and that he really wanted him to do it at home when Jason's wife Karen was at work in the local hospital (not a nurse or doctor, btw).He told Jason no, and Jason yelled at him, and said to him "You will do this one day, everyone wants $2,000, and I'm no gay dude, but guys in bikinis are a turn-on that makes me horny and it's COMEDY!!! COMEDY!!! Doesn't mean I want sex with ya, but it's just the only way I can get my dick hard and horny". This was in a bit of a car park where so few people go.He can't exactly avoid Jason since, because he's a cop, he'll see him in town somewhere (Jason's only been back in town for 18 months now) but he thought that Jason had faded into obscurity after high school.He explained to me that Jason was never like this in high school, he was the one the girls liked (and dated several girls at once, which caused a fight in high school) and that Jason insists he's not gay. Jason wasn't quite a jock, but not a nerd.But isn't Jason asking my husband to wear his wife's bikinis either a gay thing or a fetish-y thing?My husband has told me that he doesn't really want to see Jason anymore, but expects, because our town's small, it's unavoidable.Normally, you'd say "report this to the cops" but since Jason is a cop, would his bosses do anything about this?Isn't this sexual harassment/police corruption, simple as?As for our background, my husband was born in Alberta, me in Vancouver, we met in 2011 after I paid a dating agency to find someone since online dating never worked for me.We're a DINK double-income no-kids couple.My husband told me he has nightmares/flashbacks about it and trouble sleeping, he wants to be a good dad but struggles due to the fact his friend kept asking.He's also had an email from his former classmate (husband's a freelancer) who found his business email via Facebook, again making the same demands and offering money.My husband has already told the guy he's not interested, what else can we do to get the message across?He feels like going to the media because he claims "it's not a story most people can identify with, AND it's a human interest story, plus people will be concerned".My husband has told me how in high school, even back then, when Jason was aged 14-15, people were concerned, since Jason was obsessively making fun of overweight kids and demanding people bring him rum to school, and insisting how great he was to other kids to the point other kids were embarrassed or angry. My husband Scott said he remembered Jason as a guy who dated this girl Nina, but was obsessive about Nina's weight and yelling at her if she wasn't losing enough and that he used to constantly eat in class, to the point of getting detentions.Is my husband right to try and avoid this guy, even though they were never really friends anyway, and while not enemies, he feels like they are now.What should be done before this situation escalates any further? Would this situation ever end up in a court of law, and what could happen next for Jason?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (23 April 2021):
If your husband continues to be harassed he should make a formal complaint.
You can complain to the independent police complaints commission or the Canadian equivalent - each state or territory has one. I can't send you the link for your area, as although you mention several places in your post, you don't mention where you live now. So you will have to do your own homework.
From this site you should be able to get all the information you need about the complaints procedure including what the likely outcomes for "Jason" may be. (Although why you care is beyond me.)
At the moment you don't have very much tangible evidence, though except for the email so be prepared to gather more.
Save any more emails either of you receive from him. Get a CCTV camera for your home so he can be filmed if he turns up at your home again. If your husband ends up having to have a conversation with him, he should set his phone to record the whole conversation. He should also get a dash cam for his car.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2021): What does he have on your husband??Must have something on him.Blackmail huh?You complain to the higher ups.Go above the police to complain.You can even bring this to the media.You could run far away also if you are afraid of the police.The police can retaliate so be very careful here.I personally would run fast and far..look I know that sucks but in today's police climate that might be the only way to live through this.Stay safe.
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