A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I'm in my early 20s and feel like I am not being very good at dating. So far, I have dated two guys and I just felt like every time something was missing. I know I am ready for dating but also for a relationship. But, how do I go about attracting and dating someone with who I have chemistry? Should I pay attention to anything in particular when meeting new people? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2012): OP answer: Thank you k_c100 for taking the time to answer. I have tried online dating and briefly dated a guy but it didn't work out. He was nice but we didn't have much to talk about. I will definitely try and join groups to socialise. I prefer meeting new people face to face first.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (31 July 2012):
 I think your mindset is all wrong here, there is no point in trying to attract someone who you have chemistry with because often chemistry can take a little while to develop!
The only thing to know about meeting new people is this - be open minded. Even if the guy is not your usual 'type', or you are not sure if you are physically attracted to him, keep an open mind and always give him a chance. Often the most interesting people who you have a spark with might not be the most attractive guys, or he might be a bit shorter than your usual type, or he might have different colour hair to what you usually go for etc.
If you are actively trying to meet guys then you need to be going out lots to the usual places where people meet each other (bars, clubs etc). Try joining clubs and groups where you will meet likeminded people e.g. if you like running, join a running club and you will meet guys there who share a hobby.
Have you tried online dating? That is another avenue that can work, it means you get to read a guys profile before even speaking to him so you can judge whether you have anything in common and if you will get on or not. You then go through a phase of chatting over emails/phone/text etc where you get to know him before even meeting, so you will confirm if you are definitely interested in each other. It can be a great way of going on lots of dates and meeting lots of different people, it is worth a try if you are open to it.
At the end of the day you will know when you have met someone who you have a spark with, you will enjoy their company, time will fly by when with them and you will want to see them again. If you are bored with nothing to talk about then you know the spark is definitely not there! If you are getting on well with the guy but still feel there is something missing, dont write him off just yet. Chemistry can build with time, so try a couple of dates before you rule a guy out.
With my current boyfriend, I met him through an online dating site and when I first met up with him I wasnt really attracted to him so I didnt think it would go anywhere, but I did enjoy his company. We saw each other again, had a great time and the more dates we went on the more I realised his personality was so great that it was making me more attracted to him. We have now been together nearly a year and are very happy - so the lesson to be learnt is dont rule guys out after one date, see how things develop and if the personality is good, attraction and chemistry can come in time.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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