A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Miss A, It has been over two years since my ex and I have been in a official relationship. We broke up when I left for college but have continued to talk ever since. We got back together while was back in school but broke up shortly because he felt we were too young to have a serious relationship and he wanted me to experience college. Being frustrated with him not wanting to be my boyfriend I began to see other people. I began to get close to a few guys, but whenever I did, he came back into my life and I realized how much I still loved him and couldn't be with anyone else. But he still continued to not want a relationship. We would hangout whenever I came home and would talk every day and continued to be each other's best friend. While spending last summer at home, He and I became close again, and when it came time for me to leave for school again, it was the same story and he did not want a relationship. Completely crushed and upset we did not talk for a couple weeks and thats when I started talking to "J". J and I used to go to church together when we were kids and found each other online. We began talking every day and he filled that void in my life. J was completely up front about not wanting a relationship because I lived so far away. I was fine with that, because I wasnt in any position to have a relationship. The ex slowly came back into my life and I continued to talk to J and see him when I came home. Months went by like this and I also continued to see the ex on occasion and hangout like friends. Recently the ex has expressed that he wants to be with me again and thinking that Josh didn't want a relationship I began to hang out with the ex again more frequently. J began to call me more and our relationship began to become stronger and scared me because I now had feelings for him and my ex. This past weekend was chaos when I went home for Easter and finally met the ex's parents who were down to visit also. J became angry when I hardly saw him and when I told him that my ex wanted to get back with me. J knew for the past 8 months that I wanted to be in a relationship with him and he didn't want that. Now that I told him my ex wants to get back with me he realized how much he cared about me and I also realized I didn't want to lose our relationship. But how could I after waiting over two years for my ex and I to be official throw that away? I am now torn between my ex who has been my best friend for the past three years and J who has been nothing but sweet to me. I have feelings for them both and they both make me happy and they both know about each other and are willing to wait for me to make up my mind. It has been tearing me apart and I am sick of seeing one, one day and the other the next. It isn't fair to them and I feel like a horrible person, PLEASE HELP! What is your advice for this situation? Thank you, Confused girl--------[Mod note: Thank you for writing to Dear Cupid. In the future, could you help us making it more reader friendly by breaking your question to shorter paragraphs (as we have edited yours)? Thank you for your kind understanding]
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (14 April 2009):
 at the beginning you said when you went about seeing other guy's he'd come back in your life and then you realized you loved him, but why did he always come back in your life when you were finally moving on?because he doesn't want to see you with other guys he wants you as a back up so if he moves on and that doesn't work out he always has you to fall back on.he is afraid that if you get with someone else that'll be in you're gone forever he won't have you as a back up.your ex is messing you about without you realising he's trying to keep you on a string so that when his love life doesn't work out he's got you there to come back too.i say get with J and start a fresh forget about the ex he's just using you for his own needs.J clearly likes you for you and wants to be with you and for you to be able to call him your boyfriend.the ex is just better off as a friend.don't make the mistake of going to the past as you'll regret it.think new and move on forward into the future with J.Hope this helps :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Sounds like you and the ex should settle your issues and get back together otherwise you will both date and break up with other people until you two can be together. Don't listen to the whole "move on" from the broken hearts on the forum. Sounds like you wanna be with your ex, go with your ex
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A
male
reader, Matt269 +, writes (14 April 2009):
 i think you need to move on. you and your ex tried to be in a relationship twice. it didn't work. not to mention he made it clear he didn't want a relationship with you. i'm not sure if he really loves you or is just trying to fill a void on his life.i know its really hard but i think it would be wise to give j a chance since you really haven't yet.
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