A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi ,Yes iv written before when my then boyfriend was being bad, distant and cold. He kept calling i rejected the calls and avoided the texts. then he turned up at my doorstep a couple of days later begging for anothr chance and I gave him one (despite this guy never complimenting me making me feel nice and constantly telling me to change my body). Things went well... then i noticed he had added lots of girls on facebook even though he said he hated the crappy website.. they were posting things like 'hey yes we should meet up etc' i approached him without accusation and he said they were friends of his i said i felt uncomfortable as they were girls he hadnt seen/spoken to in ages... so not really 'friends' at all...we had a huge and row broke up. That evening i found out some painful news that my mum had kept from me and so i felt betrayed by her in error (oh i was stupid) i drove to his house for a talk and comfort he invited me in and left me crying in his room whilst he 'tidied his house' all i wanted was comforting but he refused... i was so upset when i raised it with him he shouted and asked why i didnt leave and go back home......at this i drove home crying and really upset that he had turned me away so calously....the next day we argued and i asked him if we could both start over which meant him deleting his facebook and me doing the same to avoid arguments..he refused so i ended it...that was two weeks ago and iv heard nothing...he was so great in the begining calling and texting all the time why has he just gone cold ( this is a guy that asked me to have his baby!)im so hurt and confused yet why am i still thinking about him :( please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your advice :)x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): Start with not giving a damn. Why would you care if he texts you and messages you? After all, what good would that do? You don't really want him. Look deep down. Yes he might have wanted you to have a baby with him, but so what? The real question would be: Did you want to have a baby with him?? I think not, as you didn't even say that. You only said he wanted one with you. But so what? Who cares what he wants or wanted? This is about you. What you want. Do you want him? No. Look at yourself. Are you amazing? Yes. Did he remind you that you are? No. Do you want to be in a relationship with a man who hurts you, doesnt comfort you, adds many "friends" on facebook, doesn't give you compliments... No. No, sweetie, you don't. Down the line it'd only get worse. So be happy. Be happy he is out of your life. He can go be nice with some other girl, because nice isn't gonna cut it. You need someone who is amazing, just like yourself. Nice isn't good enough, don't settle with nice ever again.
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A
female
reader, RichTea +, writes (30 November 2009):
 Hey you say that you cant stop thinking about this guy. Well is it the good or the bad things your thinking about. You need to try and think about all the times he hurt you and decide if there was really any need to hurt you. He sounds aggressive and sounds like the type of person who is happy to start with but gets disloyal and bored easily. Why not meet up with some friends and have a girly night out. It might make you feel better. Its best not trying to block him out of your head all at once. Obviously its going to take some time and it will be hard. Do little things that make you feel happy. Things that stop you thinking about him and it should get better from there. If you have any other problems just leave me a message and I will try and help. Good luck and I would love to know how things go for you.
x
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 November 2009):
 Wow, he really has done a job on your head hasnt he. Now you need to view him as a bad habit you want to kick. Sit down and work out what you are usually doing when you think of him, and then change the way you do things. By this I mean, if you usually think of him while sitting on the bus coming home, take a book and force yourself to concentrate on it rather than him, if you think of him in the shower, take a bath instead.
Somebody once told me it only takes three weeks to break a bad habit, so its not that big an ask.
And if he texts, ignore it, if he phones, tell him you are busy, if he knocks on the door, tell him to go away or you will call the police, by avoiding having anything to do with him you will avoid getting back into bad habits.
good luck with it all
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