A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This has been a problem for too long now and I really need help with this issue concerning an ex friend. I’ve never really had many friends in my life but I’ve never let it bother me when I moved on from the few friends that I did have. But this one friend who I met in college became the best mate I ever had. He seemed similar to me, we had similar interests and got on really well. But then things changed as he seemed to get annoyed with me easily at times when I didn't even do anything wrong. I did also have an annoying gay crush on him which I couldn't seem to get rid of no matter what and I was feeling very depressed at the time which still exists now. He then got a job and changed a lot and it was like he was a completely different person. He stopped bothering with me and would only talk to me when there was no one else around and when we did speak he would always try and prove me wrong and would look down on me. However he did always want to hang around with me during college breaks and sit with me in classes. We knew each other for almost 2 years and now we have gone to different universities and haven’t spoken in almost two years, even though I sent him a message and birthday messages but he ignored them and now only seems to bother with his new and other friends.Now I just want to move on and forget I ever knew him but for some reason I can’t as he is always on my mind and this always gets me down. Every day I look at his facebook which I know is stalking but I feel really down and sick when I see he has made new mates and is having a good time in his photos when I am not. I’ve taken him off Facebook but I keep on blocking and unblocking him as I feel the need to know what he’s up to. I have met new people and done more to try and put my mind off him but still this does nothing.Can anyone help me understand why I feel this and give me any advice on how to forget about him and move on?
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crush, depressed, facebook, move on, stalking Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice Lies, but I now know he isn't gay since my stupid stalking of his Facebook still, has led me to see him kissing a girl.I could never contact him since I always got the impression he didn't like me and the fact he has never made any attempt to contact me proves he doesn't care.He seems to be happy now and I don't want to interfere with that, so i just need to keep away, be happy for him and try to move on. Thanks again for your help its much appreciated.
A
male
reader, Lies  +, writes (7 October 2012):
There is a very good chance that he too is gay. Most advice given to gay crushes on straight guys lead to resolutions such as ignoring and isolation.
There is still a chance that he wants to make up with you, being friends and all, but what you need to do is to speak up. Without him knowing your desires to be with him (relationship or friendship) he would keep ignoring you. Try speaking to him in person. If he pushes you further or says "just leave me alone" you know what that means.
You cannot move on from this situation, no one has done that without keeping it at the back of their heads. What you need to do is to initiate even if he doesn't.
Good luck.
Lies
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering you have made me feel a lot better and have made it much clearer for what I should do. I guess it just takes time and I should do more to take my mind of him like you said. I have just blocked him on Facebook, I just hope I can reach the 21 days period without going on his Facebook. Thanks again for such a good answer.
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A
female
reader, G's_Girl  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 Hi Anonymous,
Sorry about the situation with your ex friend, who was your best mate at the time. That is the key word here: best mate in college.
In life there is growth, and sometimes we outgrow friendships or relationships. When your mate started working, he changed. He made new friends, and although he seems to have moved on, you are still lost in the memories.
Even though you are trying to move on and forget because you have to, not by choice, you feel hurt, anger and sadness and this gets you down.
Eventually the pain will heal and you will have the good memories only, as you move forward. How do you do this?
You block him permanently from Facebook - don't allow the temptation to remain. It's not worth it, as he didn't even respond to your birthday messages, which means he chooses to have no contact.
Also, reach out to the new people you have met. Build a solid foundation with those, and as you spend more time with them, a new best mate will materialise. A friendship so strong that you will automatically forget the other one, which will become a distant memory.
It takes 21 days to change a habit. So for 21 days, every time you think of him, consciously work on putting him from your mind, and think of a new friend whose friendship you want to make grow. Fill your life with meaningful things - focus on your career, your family and quality friends, sport, hobbies, and any new projects you have always wanted to do but haven't gotten around to. Find something you can be passionate about, and as you do these things and your life becomes fulfilled, you will grow as an individual and be happier.
Lastly, let go of the hurt and anger towards him, it's not his fault and it will only adversely affect your health. It's a normal fact of life, like you can't force who you fall in love with, you can't force friends to remain best friends. You can add more best friends, and remember others for what they meant to you. In your case, you had a crush on him, which made it that much harder to get over him, but in time, you will.
Best Wishes.
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