A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do i break up with a girl i've been dating for 10 months when she has a past history of being suicidal and says she couldn't live without me. also she lost her virginity to me to make things that much harder. no matter what i want to stay friends with and i dont want her parents to hate me utterly. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, I'mheretohelpyou  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 OH GOD, okay, If you truly like her but don't want her because she's suicidal, don't break up with her. Ask her why she's that way and try to make her feel better. Hug her, kiss her and tell her you love her.
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 I think the others have given some great advice here about how to actually leave her.
I just want to add, and this may sound harsh to others, you cannot stay in a relationship that is not working just because she has threatened suicide. You cannot throw your whole life away 'just in case'. She COULD just be using it as a form of emotional blackmail in order to stop you leaving but she obviously needs help too, so you just have to tread carefully as the others have said but at the end of the day your life is important too. Just let her friends and family know about this possibility and pass the responsibility over to them x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): The short answer to your question is Carefully. Very Carefully.
Annalisa has given you some great ways to break up with her so I shall give you some idea of what to do to keep her calm and make sure that things don't get out of hand.
If she cries when you have broken up with her.. comfort her. Tell her that it's for the best and that she'd be much happier without you. But do not of coarse kiss her. You can hug her, but only for short periods. If you do hug her and when you try to let go she clings to you, do not force her off you.
Do not get angry if she tells you that you can't do this to her or if she cires uncontrolably.
Remain calm and keep your reason constant. You don't want to confuse her and or make her fustrated.
If she threatens to hurt herself then ring her parents. I know you don't want them to hate you, but you have a life of your own and if you don't want to go out with their daughter then it's your choice. Just tell them that you didn't want to hurt her but that your too young for such a serious relationship. Tell them that you hope they understand.
I suggest that even if the break-up goes well to ring her parents so they can keep an eye on her.
Good Luck. x
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A
female
reader, Queeny  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 your gf is suffering from a psychological problem, you need to have a plan b4 you exit from the rlshp. i know you feel afraid that if she actually kills herself becoz of you(which would not be your fault) you would be traumatized.
you need to discuss this with your parents/guardians or counseling teacher so that they can discuss it with your galfriends parents. see, her parents want you to be with her becoz the rlship is keeping her off the suicidal thoughts only for a while, but they need to know that you are inexperienced with this kind of situation and you cannot be always there just to keep her from committing suicide. as i advice you, before you leave her, make sure she is intouch with a psycho therapist who can support her get through this mental illness. make sure you discuss this with a reliable and mature adult in your life especially one that has experience with such cases.
i would suggest first thing to do is find this kind of help as soon as possible. do not go talk this directly with the galz parents as they will not approve becoz you'd be hurting their child.
in the unlikely event this gal commits suicide becoz she gets the idea you want to leave her, do not take any blame to yourself and i would want to assure you that this is a mental illness that your gf needs to be assisted and will take a long time.
you should be satisfied after the matter has rested on responsible proffessional help and then you can walk out of the relationship by telling her that you want her to get well first and that you will be there for her as a friend.
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A
male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (3 June 2008):
 You seem very stuck there lol. No matter what you do or say she will do what she feels. and you can never predict a suicidal girls feelings. in her head she has an idea of what she would do if she lost you. she hasnt got many ideas depending on how you break up with her depends on what she will do. with that in mind. make it simple a sweet and tell her honestly. your going to get waterworks and everything either way. so you have two choices. tell her how you feel to her face honestly. or run away to another country and fiegn your death!!!
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