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How do I break things off without hurting her, so we can just be friends again?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 July 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 13 July 2011)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Okay, so I'm dating this girl, lets call her Jessica* who used to be my best friend, we just took it a little further. In the begging I was madly in love with her, then Jake* asked her out and she got all excited and said yes and they started going out and she just " forgot about our relationship" . we're back together now, but it just doesn't feel the same for me, I don't have any feeling for her anymore. but I keep finding myself flirting with her and laying with her and promising I would be there for her, which I would, as a friend. I don't even like her, but I still get jealous sometimes when she flirts with her friends. I never get to see her, and I want to end it. but I don't know how to without hurting her. and I know how bad it feels because of the whole Jake* situation. I just want to be friends again. In addition to all of that, 2 of my other friends like me. I honestly don't want ANYONE to love me at this point. I just need to step away for a bit.

* not real names

- Thanks

View related questions: best friend, flirt, jealous

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A female reader, misskat United States +, writes (13 July 2011):

Hi

I think she may be treating you like insurance or Plan B. There are girls who treat their male friends as pseudo bfs until the next guy comes around. It sucks that you guys might have had a passionate connection only for her to get distracted by Jake so quickly. She didn't value it as much as you. Its nice that you don't want to hurt her but she brought it on herself. Don't let her decide your future. Be honest with your feelings with her.

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (12 July 2011):

RedAthena agony auntBreakups CAN hurt people and often do.

The only way to lessen the impact is to be honest, do not lead her on that you want more, and explain clearly your reasons why you do not want to continue the romantic part of your relationship.

Be prepared that she may not want to go back to being friends, and if she does that will take some adjustment and time.

Best Wishes.

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