A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, everyone! I need all of your insights and encouragement to walk away from a bad situation. And I really need to know what this guy wants from me. He's been pursuing me now off and on for over a year, and the dummy that I am keep allowing myself to get sucked into his flirtatious ways. To make a long story short, the time has come for me to back off and this time STAY BACKED OFF once and for all. Recently he expressed interest in getting together with me and when I left him a note to meet me later on he didn't show up. How do I break away from this hold he seems to have on me? I'm very attracted to him and I weaken when he gives me some attention, and I don't want to weaken anymore because I end up feeling hurt when he backs off. I'm desperate for all the advice you can give!
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (13 June 2009):
 I just want to add...
With my situation, I'v come to realize he only wants to know he can have me. But he doesn't really want me. By me saying yes I will go out with him, I am only feeding into his ego. Because yes...he too has a major self esteem problem.
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (13 June 2009):
Ouch...I am also in a very similar situation. Some guy has been playing with me for almost 2 years. I back away and ignore him and then he comes along and asks me out. It's a pattern. However, he has stood me up 3 times, the last time, just this last Friday night. I finally see that he toxic for me but that is not to say I won't put myself in this position again. I hope I don't. I have deleted everything from him but I work with him from time to time so that will be hard.
I think he asks me out just to see if I'll still say yes and either he gets scared off or yes...he is playing me. In either case, he is not treating me right and either is this guy of yours. He is not emotionally available to you and he will only continue to hurt you.
I agree with hearthelper...find out why you allow yourself to get into this situation. It does have to do with self esteem and how you see yourself. Try being better to you. You are worth it. I already know you are quite a generous person and very kind hearted. Find someone who will appreciate it.
Take care...
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A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (13 June 2009):
 I empathize with your situation and have been in a similar one before myself. It's never easy to accept the reality that a person is just using you for their own amusement when and if they feel like it, but there are plenty of people who do that all the time, I'm sorry to say.
If you have any self-esteem and you respect yourself, then you should walk away from him and move on. I realize that this is easier said than done and you will miss him for sure. But, let me ask you this: Wouldn't you rather meet a man who will treat you well consistently, who will truly love and value you and who will be there in good times and bad? You deserve that! So, don't settle for second best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): I've been in your situation before and i'm sure plenty of other people have, so I know how you feel!
He's coming to you when he's bored or just wants a bit of fun, and cos he knows you like him he's playing on that. He can charm his way back into your life so you start talking to him again. And then the cycle continues.
RUN from him. Honestly. Delete his number, email, any form of contact you have with him. I know it will be hard to stop replying to him, or talking to him, and if you see him just completely ignore him. Just try to avoid him altogether.
If he tries doing it again, you need to remind yourself of what he's actually doing, but hopefully cutting contact will lessen the chances of him being able to talk to you.
That hold will go, trust me, it just might take a while, if you like him a lot. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, hearthelper  +, writes (13 June 2009):
ouch, i've been in this situation millions of times with different men, and let me tell you, this toxic relationship is very painful and the hardest to get out off. I've quit 3 or 4 jobs and even moved to another country to get far away from men who have broken my heart.
Do what you need to do to avoid him. My solution is run away, but if you don't have that option, my next solution is to date all varieties of men and you will find some really amazing men out there who will make your stupid ex look like a chump.
Read my answer to the "lonely 21 year old" post and take all that advice too. And remember, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else! But you will keep on attracting the same type of guy if you don't love and respect yourself. So work on yourself before diving into another relationship.
Empower yourself and surround yourself with supportive people who reflect back your best to you. Maybe try EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or thetahealing if you want to go the energy healing route; it has helped me in the past. There are always healers in your city who have studied and are certified in these techniques; just look them up. They help to repair a broken heart. Best of luck! and please tell me what you think of my answers.
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