A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend and I broke up around March last year when he moved away. I went and visited him a couple of times and we had sex but we never used condoms. Recently, we got back together again. We're doing long distance. However I couldn't help but notice that last year before he moved, he had 8 condoms. Now over a year later he only has 2 condoms (same type). We had a conversation in which we discussed if we had slept with anyone whilst we were apart. I confessed that I had slept with a boy once but apart from that I hadn't dated anyone. He however said he hadn't slept with anyone at all since me. I can't help but feel that this is a lie since 6 condoms have gone missing. I reassured him that I wouldn't be jealous if he told me the truth and that it was fine if he had slept with someone but he was adamant he hadn't. This is really bugging me because I desperately desperately just want to find out the truth and to know if he slept with someone else. To be honest, I can't bear the thought of him having slept with someone else, but I just value his honesty. When things don't add up, it makes me mistrust him. I'd rather know the truth. I know that he also hasn't told his previous ex that he's dating me because he didn't want to make her jealous. So I fear that he's deliberately lying to me and telling me that he didn't sleep with anyone because he doesn't want to make me jealous. So I'm at a loss for what to do. What should you do in this situation? I really want to confront him because it's eating me up inside, especially since we're doing long distance and I don't like the thought of him lying to me about anything. However at the same time, would he actually tell me anyway if I confronted him. He might just say that he keeps them someone else in his apartment (which I know he doesn't) or he threw them away. I've asked him before if he masturbates using condoms and he said no. He has no interest in that so it can't be that. Also he might think I'm strange keeping track of how many condoms he had a year ago and then asking such a long time after and twist it back on me. I really don't know what to do. To confront or not to confront? Thanks in advance for helping :)
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broke up, condom, got back together, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): Yes this must be incredibly frustrating for you but as anon said why think about this now? You were with someone and it probably hurt him however you were not together so what you did apart doesnt need to be told. It was your choice to tell him and he doesnt need to tell you anything he did when you were apart. He feels he needs to hide it maybe because it makes you jealous which Im feeling as though it does. I wouldnt suggest going overboard thinking about these missing condoms and concentrate on the relationship you have now withn him and im sure the trust will come back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): hi there. i can see how this would be frustrating but does it really matter what he did when you were apart? he obviously feels a need to hide it, and maybe there is a good reason for this. maybe he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. either way, as long as he isn't cheating on you NOW, i would try and let this go and move forward. good luck.
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