A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok guys here is my problem. I have a new bf and we have been together for about 3 months now. I have built up some bad defensive habits from my previous relationship and idk how to break them. Like asking why he is going to friends house or holding everything in when he asks what is wrong. I try to be open but there are times where i can't tell him cause I'm afraid that he is going to try and use my fears and feelings against me like my ex did even though i know he won't. I'm trying to get used to the fact that he has a lot of female friends and all that, just like he is getting used to mine mostly being male. How do i break my trust habits from my previous relationship and try to be all i can for him? Please help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI try to do that. I have only met two of his friends and only heard of the others. I try to think of that but it is hard and that he is different. My friend accused him of cheating on me cause he made a joke to her and she took him serious instead of him joking. It didn't help much. he knows that i trust him and all, but that i am having habit issues cause of my ex. I don't think he knows what to do to help me though. I just don't know how to open up. My ex would use my fears and emotions against me and my parents do the same thing to an extent and idk how to get passed it. I know he won't do it to me buy i still can't help but worry.
Thank you for your advice.
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 This isn't something that will happen over night but you need to remind yourself that he isn't the same as your ex every time you start to doubt things. Tell yourself that it is a new relationship with a completely new guy and you don't have to worry about those things. Again it won't all of a sudden go away but with time and his love it should get better and better. It's just a matter of convincing yourself that he has no reason not to be trusted.
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A
female
reader, ValeJ12 +, writes (22 June 2011):
 I used to be closed in like that.. I got used to it because of my family. They would never let me express myself or my feelings.. If you know why you can't open up to him, let him know why. He might try to help you with that. My boyfriend has lots of friends that are girls. Just try to get to know them and talk to them. You could even go with him to one of his friend's house. See if they're trustworthy. If you keep everything shut in then the relationship won't progress. You don't have to completely tell him your life story all of a sudden. Just let him know why you have trust issues but don't say you don't trust him. Let him know that you're willing to open up if he helps you too.
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