A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 27 with 3 girls that have been without me for 5 years. I left home after a stressful 2 year custody battle searching for my own independance. Sadly pregnant I realized my it was best if I stayed away a while to keep from tearing the girls nerves up everytime I left. I didn't have any way or desire honestly to raise the baby I was carrying with absloutely nothing to offer him except for the only thing my family was against. A family. When I delivered ironicly was my middle childs b.day. I expressed how he wasn't mine and I wasn't bringing home and still my grandmother brings the birthday girl to ask why I was giving her brother away. I was trying to make the right desion. Anyways that was almost 4 years ago now I am doing a lot better provide for myself , me and my bf have had a son 18 months and my grandmother now is not doing so well. Im feeling lately torn and anxious knowing its time for me to step up and finish raising my girls. They are 12 she lives with her dads mom and visits every weekend she's spoild snobby like and rubbs it in (I don't wear cheap chothes) lol then 10 sneeky kinda smartellic starved for somebody and dence. Then I got 8 smart headstrong straight foward but greedy on attention she's my moms favorite. The family act so tired and desperate but how do I build a relationship back there and fullfill where I been gone, is it possible? How do I build a healthy relationship with results I need I don't wanna be cool mom, there friend and a g maw myself in 2 years.
View related questions:
cheap, grandmother Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): All children need a loving family and parental figures to provide them with emotional safety and security. But that does not mean that it's the biological mother who HAS to step into this role if she's not physically or mentally/emotionally capable of doing so. If she were to do so she could end up really harming the children emotionally.It's more important that children have loving and stable parental figures to be their primary caretakers. that is more important than having the people who biologically created them be the primary caretakers. You did the right thing of "giving up" your kids because you were really messed up at the time and in no position to take care of them without also inflicting a lot of mental damage on them. You did the right thing.As for what to do now. If you are now in a better place where you ARE able to take care of them, if it's actually a valid option on the table for you to become their primary caretaker, now it boils down to what is in the kids' best interests. If they have bonded strongly with other family members it would be a huge emotional toll on them to uproot them again. Maybe you should gradually spend more time with them, but see yourself as more in the position of being an aunt or cousin or something, as far as emotional boundaries and involvement. Then see where that leads, if your kids naturally grow closer to you then you can bit by bit get more involved. I don't know. I do not believe that the biological parents HAVE to be the primary parental figures in children's lives, as long as the children do have loving and stable adults in their lives in that role. Whatever is in the children's best interests, is more important than the legalistic rule of who plays which role.
A
female
reader, daniellexxxx  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Well first of all I don't think any mother should give there children up under any circumstance. When you bring a child in to the world you are meant to provide and keep them safe not palm them of when the tough gets going.. Sorry but I have children and would never give them up no matter how hard it got.
If you want to build a relationship back then you need to do it slowly as its going to take time. Your children may feel resentmeant towards your for leaving them.. Try talk to them and tell them why you left and now your hear to make it up..
Spend time with them all alone to get to know them again properly and then start to build the bridge and proove you have changed your ways for the better..
Good luck
...............................
|
