A
female
age
36-40,
*ender
writes:I've always consider myself be open and fun loving, and playful character. Willing to try new thing, new place but with cautions. I'm 25 years [past my personal goal of wanting be in relationship by time i was 23. i don't mind considering i did have lot fun being single still do, but it dose get lonesome sometime especially now most of my friends and married and are starting their family] I'll admit with when it comes to relationship i am somewhat picky. Im not the type to accept a date for the sake of it. A guy can be hot as hell and will probably mostly check some part of his out, but if he cant even hold a decent n civilize conversations [there was one guy where attraction both way, there lots of flirts but as we keep talking, apparent i was the only one he flirted with and had very little respect for other ppl especially women] not gotta say yes when did ask me out. if there no engaging convo or attractions but on the off hand a guy could really kinda, sweet, very respectable, smart. I'm sad to say it still not enough for me to say yes. I kinda need to be attracted and also need be able good and intriguing conversations with him. I have met few guys whom were able to get my full attentions and affections sadly they didnt feel the same way. i have moral rule. While i have feeling for someone i dont accept dates[not that notice other than my crush during those time] for i think it be unfair for me to accept a date while time i wish their were someone else.I've alway though bad timing, bad luck maybe too much high morals is the reason im still single. I have been told i have so many subconscious walls [psychology term] More three people told me this. There if this reason why i cant get close to people, how can break these walls, what can i do so i can break them down and allow myself to enjoy life to the fullest.?
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female
reader, Fender +, writes (14 February 2013):
Fender is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni do need to give them more of chances. I think i need re explain the part about refusing a hot n can't hold a conversations. I trying b nice When i said attractive guys they have b ck models but enough so want to be intimate. The when claim as hot and cant hold convo i knew two have had personal problem, but nearly all them when talk had i didnt like how their treat co-worker, and somehow didnt mind show my dirty pic of beer bottle in a girls u know n was sending it to his mates.] or as ask am i good or bad azn. This what i mean by indecent convo they though was funny even after they i work in humanitarian field.But ur ight i do have bit high standard. I want a romanic movie but i do want a connections of some sort
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): OP if other people are telling you that you're too guarded then you probably are.
It sounds to me like you're holding out for the perfect guy, but he doesn't exist OP. None of us are perfect and it really does take time for someone to become perfect for you.
You said yourself you're too picky.
There's one thing you have to understand and get rid of OP. I don't know where women get this idea that they can put an age on when they should be settling down. You know from experience that life isn't like that, you can't just choose an age that you're going to fall in love. So it's a stupid personal goal that was completely unattainable because finding a guy is mostly random chance.
How you break down these walls is by giving guys a chance to impress you. OP you're too impatient. There's a reason why men and women end up dating someone they're not weak at the knees for, for a few months. It's because they want to give the person a chance to show what they have to offer.
You're only seeing the bare minimum of guys and not who they are at all. I mean some of those attractive guys who couldn't hold a conversation, well maybe they were nervous, maybe they don't like opening up so soon, maybe they had things on their mind that day maybe you didn't pick a topic that fascinated them.
You suffer from a type of desperation I see a lot in women OP. They want Mr. Right and no one else will do because they want a long term loving relationship right now so the guy has to be perfect from the start. Life doesn't work like that OP, that only happens in the movies.
OP you need to change this and let go of your inhibitions, it's a very good thing to have standards OP but standards are supposed to work for you and not against you and fogive me but your goal is working against you too.
My goal when dating is to get to know a girl and have fun, that's it. I don't care whether a relationship develops and that means I don't need a girl to be perfect.
I also don't need to be weak at the knees attracted to a girl either, she only has to be cute, attractive enough that I know I could have a fun sexual relationship with because I discovered a long time ago that attraction can build into the weak knees type as long as there was some there in the first place.
OP you're holding yourself back the ideas you have in your head of what guy you'd like to settle down with, you stupidly made being in a relationship a goal so you've a picture in your head of the ideal guy and no guy is ever going to be able to fit into that. Even the guys you say you did like, you say it came down to bad timing but what you don't get is that even a guy think would be great straight away may not be a good partner once you get to know him.
Break this cycle by agreeing to a date with a guy you find cute, reasonably attractive and have fun with, even if the conversation isn't mind blowing. Say yes to a date and if you have fun, say yes to another one. Don't think any further than that and see how things go.
You're so trapped in a long term future that you want with a guy you put too much pressure on them to be amazing from the start. Just date and have fun, maybe a month or two in you'll realize this guy is still a lot of fun to be around or he isn't but you need to give us guys that chance to show you who we really are.
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