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female
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anonymous
writes: I have a friend, that means the world to me. She has been there for me, when I needed help the most, but this time I can't ask her to help me, because it involves her.My friend suffers from major depression, and she was seeing psychologist for a while, as well as a psychiatrist and she is taking medication. But she cuts herself, an I don't know how to handle the situation. She knows it freaks me out, and she is hiding it from me. But this morning I saw it and I just said nothing, I don't think she knows I saw it. I want to help her, but I don't know how.What can I do? What must I do? I what to be there for her as she was there for me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2005): Really hard one this. My daughter does this and it is one step from suicide. People who do this feel so desperately lost. My daughter's friends have been so supportive I am amazed they have stuck around and kept coming back for more. My daughter has such low self-esteem that some days she feels she is a bind to them and then other day's any little thing like a late returned phone call can send her into dismay for the rest of the day. My advice is to just stick around, don't take anything personal as we all tend to hurt and strike out at the one's we feel safest with. Try to get a book on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and read it with your friend if she will let you. It is amazing how recognition of your own automatic negative thinking can give the sufferer some insight into their misinterpretations of the people around them. You are in for a hard ride, but good luck.
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female
reader, Sharoney +, writes (8 November 2005):
I have been in the same situation as your friend, only now can I see the worry that I caused others when I shut them out. I used to self harm during a period of major depression which eventually landed me in a psychiatric hospital for 2 and a half years. Through most of that time I denied it was a problem, I shut out my family and friends which only caused them to worry more. I was terrified of what was happening to me and thought there was no way anyone would be able to handle this behaviour.
People with major depressive disorders typically have extremly low self esteem. She may think she's not worth you worrying about her. Many people feel embarrased and ashamed of their behaviour, she may not even understand why she's doing this to herself. Many people are actualy unable to articulate why they do it, its just an overwhelming 'need to bleed'. Therapy often uncovers reasons such as low self esteem (pain=self punishment, I am bad, I deserve the pain), Stress release, (tempoary rush of endorphins), escapism from depression (the physical pain blocks out all other thoughts of hopelessness and focuses the mind), feeling out of control of their life (proving that this is MY body My life I can do this to myslef... there are many reasons, each sufferers reaasons are different.
I know this is an incredably difficult thing to ask you to do, I'm not sure that I could do it if faced with your situation, but this is was the most helpful way for people to react to me personally. I am not saying 100% that your friend will find this helpful, but maybe its worth a shot.
When people sat me down to 'talk', cornered me in the bathroom and confronted me about it...I ran a mile.
When people adressed it in a lighthearted fashion ("cor, bet that hurt! how can you stand the pain?! I cry if I get a papercut!" or simpley "ouch, that looks sore!", when you see fresh cuts say jokingly "oi you, stop it! you're much too good for all that!" it can just open up a conversation about it without scaring her off, and lets her know she can talk to you about it without scaring you off! You have to pretend to be cool about it for now, she's probably freaked out by it herself, she needs someone to be strong for her.
I really hope this helps. If you want to talk more, email the site and ask them to forward a message to me, or leave a response to this answer x
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A
female
reader, katey-tatey +, writes (8 November 2005):
wow i know how you feel to be upset about your friends self harming problem.You need to sit her down and talk to her i mean seriously talk though you need to tell her that your upset about it and that her depression is causing you to be depressed ask her does she want her friend to go down that road really you want to tell her to wake up and see that your there for her through thick and thin she needs to see that every one is there to help her as soon as she realises that then she will come to her senses
hope she gets better for your sake
yours hopefulyy katey-tatey
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