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female
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anonymous
writes: I had a sexual affair with a guy who was engaged, but not happy. We saw each other for about 3 months and then his girlfriend found out. We continued for a few weeks and I found out I was pregnant. We stopped seeing each other and I moved cities. Since moving we have kept in contact and I still love him. He says he loves his girlfriend but calls, emails and messages me all the time. He told me that he was coming to see me before I have the baby. In the last couple of days we have been getting a bit hot and heavy over the phone. Once while his girl was sleeping next to him. He knows how I feel and I don't know what to do. HELP!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2005): Dear, you are in a tough spot. Please start thinking of this baby and yourself right now. Don't pin to much hope on this guy. To be honest, he'd be with you right now, if he loved you and wanted to share his life with you. This man has feelings for you but one's feelings do change and flux, it is normal. Commitment doesn’t flux and he sounds like his committment is elsewhere, dear. Commitment is the glue that holds couples together when the feelings jump around (eg:follow the pretty girl walking down the street, and the urge to cheat). He had momentary feelings for you, but it's likely, they may not be the foundation of lasting love.
Please talk to your family doctor and get some support from local pregnancy agencies that help new mothers cope with the task of raising children alone. You don't have to stay isolated and I hope you'll have the courage to seek the help you deserve. Caring for a new baby, alone is over-whelming and can be difficult. It often leaves the Mother feeling isolated and trapped, but you are not alone in this. Seek some support and please find out more about what his financial and moral obligations are to this child. I would seek some legal advice. Perhaps, in time-you'll be able to move on but it will take time. In time, you could meet new boyfriends, especially if you reach out and make contact, and this time you won't wait around if they treat you badly. You'll stick up for yourself and say what you want, and weed the unpleasant ones out, knowing that lots of guys want some caring, loving and loyal, just like you.
But focus on this baby and getting over this first hump..this is your biggest priority. You may want to consider adoption, as well-if this seems too daunting for you. Take care dear and I wish you the confidence to reach out and start making your own life more rewarding too. Good luck.
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female
reader, sara21101988 +, writes (8 November 2005):
hello, if you love him but he wouldnt love you back i would carry on with your life and forget about him.....if he wants to help support you and the baby he can but dont cause heartache .... because in your mind you probably know that he wont give up his fiancee.
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (8 November 2005):
if he really isn't happy with this girl, why is he still with her? he needs to tell her about your affair as he has an obligation to support his child. if he breaks up with her, he will need to earn your trust again if he wants a relationship with you because as he's cheated with you, there's a chance cheat he will cheat on you although, i cheated on an ex but my partner trusts me now and i would not cheat on him because i know how much it hurt my ex, my son, and myself. he needs to choose between you and his fiancee. if he chooses her, you must only have contact with him regarding the baby. don't let anything happen between you unless you know you're the only one he wants
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