A
female
age
51-59,
*hippy2
writes:Me again with another question. I have become friends with a married man. We met online and he did not say he was married until after we met and realized we were attracted to each other. We have had a relationship for over a year now. Some sex, mostly talk, he calls me his life skills coach.I dont know what to do with this. I am terribly attracted to him but I know its not right. We enjoy our conversations but I need someone more.I am the one who just wrote a post about txting the xbf. I am messed up.How do I become ok with just one man who is good to me? How do I go about finding one?I am lonely and sad and dont see a future. DONT suggest online dating - that is a farce! Any advice please?????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (11 March 2011):
Chippy2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh WOW! Thanks for the amazing advice! I so appreciate hearing it and knowing that I am selling myself short. I want to be self-empowered. I know I can get there by being on this site and seeing what others have to say.
THANK YOU THANK YOU
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 March 2011):
The big problem you seem to have here is that you're placing so much emphasis on finding this 'one man', that you're losing sight of your own life. And when you lose sight, you start to make mistakes, you start to accept shabby treatment, you start to lose self respect. You now appear to be in this situation, and this is the moment that you need to get away from men for a while and focus on your own life.
The bottom line is, lonely and sad women are the perfect targets for men like this married man you're now seeing. You're perfect, because you'll accept being the 'other woman'. You'll accept being used for sex. You'll accept being nothing more than a prop in a married man's life. That needs to stop.
The first thing you now need to do is end it with this married man.
The second thing you need to do is stop texting ex's (that's like spending time in a graveyard).
The third thing you need to do is stop trying to find the 'one' for now, and instead focus on building up your own life and confidence. You sound somewhat depressed, and that needs to be addressed alongside the seeming lack of respect you have for yourself, and the low self esteem.
You won't find the right guy at the moment, because you're busy with the wrong guy, and you're in an unhappy place. The right guy needs to know you're secure, needs to know you have your own life, needs to know you're a good woman who isn't seeing married man.
He is out there, but before you can find him, you need to address your own life and get rid of the married man.
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