A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:I've been occassionally seeing my ex (datin for 6 mo). we broke up a few wks ago (I broke up with him because he didnt make enough time for me and promised he would but always had excuses some valid but sometimes i felt he was too lazy aswell).It had been goin on for a month or so. He still calls me daily, always has - since we met.Both of us go to school (hes FT student, does military stuff every other wknd). I get confused cos its like he puts one foot in but has the other out lol. Calls daily, says i love you, i miss u etc.. wants to buy or do things for me (but doesnt always follow through), talks about the future, when we're together he acts like he loves/cares for me alot - we have a blast. But he can never give a straight answer or follow through (sometimes he does). We talked about getting back together, he said he wants to but then later mentioned he might be moving back home (outta state), if he doesnt get his job back (hes on suspension w pay and his job is debating on whether they want him). Also when i mentioned if he wanted to get back together he asked what i wanted to do first before giving me an answer.. like as if he doesnt want to make a fool of himself if he said yes?I try to figure him out but i get frustrated. He has ADD - so hes all over the place convo wise.When i try to talk seriously he changes the subject and claims he doesnt mean to do that but admits that sometime hes uncomfy. He doesnt take the add meds because they make him sick. Also i think hes depressed - aside from him, not working, he gained weight - thinks hes unnatractive and is disappointed with how hes doin in school (used to breeze thru school - yrs ago and now hes behind and forgets things)He offers to buy me things/do things for me but doesnt follow through: IE - buy me a vid game, some clothing, a book for school, and a few others things - he never did it but anytime i told him not to .. hed say.. dont buy it - ILL DO IT ILL DO IT!! but hed forget, or wouldnt have the money and i would tell him not to worry bout it..or if he cant do it then dont agree or offer..cos its worse that way.I love him alot..and i feel he loves me but sometimes he does things and i feel so unloved.. the not following through or giving me unsure answers. i would love to just take everything he says or does with a grain of salt.. but when he says he'll do things for me or plans to hang w/ me.. i feel he's just gonna let me down.. at the same time im sure hes going through alot and i just want to be there for him and get through this crap. i feel once he starts working again itd go back to normal (when he worked at the job..he saw me alot *jobs near me*)and we were great and he seemed way happier in general.how do i make this work, take everything with a grain of salt and be there for him at the same time..i feel if i took things a bit lighter that itd work out a lil more.. i mean..if he doesnt move.
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broke up, depressed, get back together, I love you, military, money, my ex, unloved Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (17 March 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question thankyou...
yeah moving on is hard..i know that it takes two to make a relationship work..and i wish he wouldve kept on fixing it.. but seeing that hes unhappy in his life or stressed out.. we wont work.
it just really sucks..cos i feel once he starts working again n what not - that it would work out but i guess theres no point in waiting huh?
thanks for replying though. :)
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (16 March 2011):
Honey, it's called a "breakup" because it's broke. You just don't want to move on. So, until that reality takes hold, you will essentially be stuck in a relationship that is broke. You can literally waste an entire lifetime if you so choose trying to fix it. Or, you can accept that it's broke and move on. Of course you get confused. You broke up and yet the two of you are together. That is confusing. It would be to anyone. I'm not suggesting moving on is easy or fun. But, it is the first step you need to take toward a healthier and mutually satisfying relationship with someone else. So, the choice is yours: stay stuck or move on. Good luck.
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