A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:I'm nowhere near ready to date again. I'm still mourning the loss of this relationship (7 weeks of panic attacks and seperation anxiety--yes, I'm getting clinical help). Last Wednesday someone came back into my life out of the blue after a year of not seeing them (nothing major, we just weren't in the same place to see each other anymore). I always knew he had a crush on me. We joked around and got along well then and he was always very perceptive when I was having a bad day-always cared. Since contacting me, he's been incredibly sweet. We've talked extensively every day since reconnecting. He knows I just got out of this major relationship and what it meant to me. My birthday is Thursday and he's already purchased tickets to a show in April as a birthday present! This time last year my ex and I had been together 5 months and he didn't even say the words happy valentine's day or happy birthday. I think I'm just overwhelmed at this point and don't know how to process the loss of my ex and the words and actions of this exceedingly attentive guy. I fear hurting him or giving him any false hope. I don't want to count him out as a possibility in the future, but it's not fair to drag him along in the meantime (although he keeps encouraging me to vent to him and has been very understanding and giving much encouragement). Advice and insight appreciated as always!
View related questions:
crush, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (14 February 2012):
bardia is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, I flat out told the "new guy" EVERYthing. I said if after knowing all of this he wanted to run I understood. He replied that he wants to stick around because he knows I'll get over my ex eventually & that I'm "worth the wait"! I am truly overwhelmed by the lively things he's said. Such a difference from my ex. But now he's been fully warned & informed. We'll see what happens from here. Time, lots of time...
A
female
reader, naley  +, writes (14 February 2012):
 I agree, tell him something similar to that paragraph (like someone has posted below). You need to be clear and direct, otherwise yes there's a high chance he will get hurt and start hoping for something that may never eventuate.
I've been the girl who falls in love with the guy that is grieving the loss of someone else. It ended with a broken heart on my end. This was however after much time, and things did end up progressing past friendship. But I'm telling you this because I have seen first-hand how the line of friendship and something more can become very blurred very quickly.
Best to be directly honest and clear with him.
All the best! :)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): Tell him exactly what you said here.
"I think I'm just overwhelmed at this point and don't know how to process the loss of my ex and the words and actions of this exceedingly attentive guy. I fear hurting him or giving him any false hope. I don't want to count him out as a possibility in the future, but it's not fair to drag him along in the meantime (although he keeps encouraging me to vent to him and has been very understanding and giving much encouragement)."
Tell him that. You couldn't say it better.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): I think you could totally be honest and direct with the new guy about where you are and he would be fine with it.
He sees being an emotional support to you and being there in time of need is what he WANTS to do because I think this guy has it BAD for you. Like you are his Happily Ever After Woman.
Could you see yourself happy and in love with him? Down the road? Or just as a friend only?
Did you always see him as a friend only?
If you KNOW that is what he is to you and will always be, then tell him.
No point in allowing him to be of support if he has a false hope of you and him being something.
...............................
|
