A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, Just yesterday I broke up with my ex. It seems to have been a long time coming. We always (Me ending it) broke up.. over stupid little fights. All the time! But then he would not leave me alone for a few days and i would cave. He was the first person I ever really loved, the first person to ever give me an orgasm! We were together for 1 year 2 months (my longest relationship) and we never get along for long. I feel that this will be like every other time and he will come and beg and I will cave. I don't have friends to turn to, and i have zero communication with my family. I don't even really have any hobbies, or vices.. What can I do to make sure that this wont be like every other time? What can I do to make sure I don't get sucked back into that snake pit?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 May 2008):
 You need to listen to hlskitten and the other posters regarding making the break up permanent. Then you need to address the lack of friends and the zero contact with family. What happened with your family that ended the contact? And where did your friends go?
So to give you some concrete advice, I suggest that you get yourself over to the volunteer center in your community, find a charity or an organization that needs help, and get yourself out there! Here's a list of groups that always need help:
Habitat for Humanity, Meals on Wheels, senior citizens centers, local community theaters, summer camps for children, food banks, thrift shops like Goodwill, local museums, blood banks, hospitals, the list can go on and on.
Change your world by expanding your horizons, get out there! Take classes in cooking, dancing, gardening, foreign languages, you'll meet people there who share common interests. One of my friends does things that 'fill her cup' as she puts it. What fills your cup? What takes you out of your mundane worries and completely absorbs your attention? TV watching doesn't count, by the way. ;)
Pick one positive thing to do today, make a phone call to one of the organizations I listed above, or one that you might find interesting and commit yourself to a new project.
Good luck, I know it's hard to be caught in a snake-pit, but you need to make some positive moves, and you might as well start today!
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Hi
Just keep telling yourself, you have a choice. Its not all about him. What he does is, he manipulates you because he knows he can. Then you're back in his web.
Usually it will be low self asteem that leaves us open to abuse. You can change that, and only you. Stop being weak and letting him 'talk you round'
Realise you deserve a better relationship, than one where you bicker and argue all the time. You are basically getting on each others nerves but are too scared to be alone and then get out there in the big wide world and meet someone new. Because yes, that takes effort. But even being on your own is better than being with someone that manipulates you, surely.
I know where you're coming from, because ive been there. Couldn't stand him towards the end, and even more so because he was a manipulator. And i knew it. But i let him. Drove my mum insane. She couldn't believe i would split with him, be so sure it was over, then let him talk me round again!
Good luck.
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 You have to listen to the answer within your heart without paying attention to the outside world. Learn to say "no". I know it's hard but you need to think about your own interest.Say "yes" to what make you happy, and "no" to things that don't.
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A
female
reader, harmony2008 +, writes (30 May 2008):
if you really wanna get over this dick then go out find yourself a new man make new friends move away get a new social life so he cant worm his way back into your life! i know its harsh but its the truth!
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A
female
reader, harmony2008 +, writes (30 May 2008):
if you really wanna get over this dick then go out find yourself a new man
make new friends
move away get a new social life
so he cant worm his way back into your life!
i know its harsh but its the truth!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): If you really want it to be over then you will find the strengh within to not get back with him. I had a bf for 2 years (my longest relationship) and it was just like yours, always fighting and breaking up for dumb reasons. Until I grew tired of it and finally broke up with him. And it was very hard but I knew he wasn't good for me. I had given him 2 years of my life and he didn't appreciated it. If you really want to end it then you'll get the strengh on your own. But family really helps. Get closer to them. Or distratct yourself by doing diffrernt things.
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