A
male
age
41-50,
*uperDan
writes:Hello, my name is Daniel. I'm a 24 year old male from the Bronx, New York.A few years ago, I was 21 and dating a woman I knew from a college class. We dated for almost a year and connected in all sorts of ways: she was friendly, cared for me, we were into the same kinds of movies, we made each other laugh, and our first kiss was after I told her that we were like Anakin and Padme (characters from Star Wars). Physically, she was alright.And being that I was (and still am) a virgin, she even wanted to help teach me the basics about sex...that is how some of the mechanics work, foreplay, deep kissing, things like that.However, I wasn't sure if I was ready to actually go through with having intercourse just yet, especially since I had little dating experience prior to her and the thought of going from little experience to getting everything in short time seemed daunting. Pretty much, that was the only thing we hadn't done together. She claimed she would merely simulate it with me and not jump my bones for real, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that she was being coy.But before we could get to that point where we may have eventually done so with one another, the relationship ended. The worse thing was that it was due to an argument I initiated, and felt terrible about that same day. To this day, I haven't had a relationship that lasted as long as ours did, and I'm reminded of us whenever I see the Uma Thurman movie "Prime" on TV. It left me heartbroken for a long time.I think the source of the arguement was that our relationship had seemed a bit confusing to me at times; it went something like this:1st) I was interested in her but she considered us friends.2nd) She seemed more interested after a while.3rd) After I work up the courage to say those three litle words, she tells me she loves me too... but like a brother.4th) She tells me she wouldn't know how she'd feel if I were to get a girlfriend before she found a boyfriend.My initial regret was of course losing my temper with her, but my biggest regret is knowing that I may have lost my only chance at having my first experience with a woman be with someone who genuinely cares for me, and doesn't view me as "just another notch on her bedpost". To this day, I look back at that day and wonder "was I really not ready, or was I just kidding myself"?As I said, I was 21, but did I mention this woman was 38 years old?She was attracted to me because I have an unusual maturity for someone my age (especially one who's a lifelong New Yorker), and it's for that reason that I feel I get along better with older women than the ones closer to my age. This woman was also the FIRST I ever said "I love you" to.So I guess my question is, if the person was great for me, but I still didn't go through with having sex with her and making her my first experience, does that make me ignorant or a failure or was it just a case of "right person, wrong time"?*NOTE: To nip the popular follow up question in the bud, I am indeed HETEROsexual, and want to end up in a relationship with a woman.Thank you (and sorry for the long length),Daniel
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foreplay, get a girlfriend, heartbroken, kissing Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, SuperDan +, writes (25 June 2008):
SuperDan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for the feedback, ladies. Your comments made me feel better. I'm looking to embrace my future now and leave these aspects of my past behind.
Much appreciated!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I definately think that you are far from a failure or ignorant for that matter. The fact that you didn't give in because you weren't 100% sure about the situation shows what a great person you are and demonstrates the type of morals you have. You should never do something you're not completely sure about, especially important or life chaning situations. I think you will find someone who will love you as much as you love her, and you will know for sure whether or not the time is right. Never rush it either..you've waited 24 years and that is something very very rare to find in a guy. The type of girl you should be with will appreciate your decision.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 i dont know but, i had someone like that that wanted me when it suited them by what you said it seems similar.. did you really want to have sex with someone who wants you 100% or someone who only wants you 50%..and you will find a woman who wants you we all find our other halves..i think it was wrong person wrong time.. due to the fact if she wanted you she would of said i love you and not play games..so keep your chin up their is a girl out their for you... thats my opinion aphexy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): This is indeed a tricky situation!
to me it seems that you were not ready but I've thinking the whole time while reading your problem, were you actually attracted to her or did u like her more for her personallity?
I remember my first time with my boyfriend i wasn't 100% sure as i felt so nervous due to the fact he had alot of
experience and i hadn't.
ask yourself:
are you ready now?
in the same situation (or similar) would you go for it?
if the answers are yes don't dwell on the past if u think u cant get her back. Just buck up your courage and have confidence and get out there and look for someone you really want to be with.
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