A
male
age
36-40,
*ustSteve
writes:My girlfriend constantly accuse me of cheating.It started a year ago, when we split for a few months. I dated another girl and she and I hung out often. I genuinely liked her, but never planned on settling down with her. Fast forward, my girlfriend and I put our differences aside and started back dating. She asked me at the onset if I was seeing someone else and I told her one girl. But she dismissed it like it ok, and we continued to date. One night a friend and I went out for his birthday with a couple of ladies. Just a casual night out. We left the birthday and all went our separate ways. She apparently drove by my friends place and noticed the extra car, and asked me about it. I didn't answer the question, and asked her to leave. I waited a few days and called her, and she continues to bring up the casual night out. I was in the shower and I saw her going through my phone. I didn't mention it to her, but now she looks angry everytime my phone rings. Recently, I was hanging out on my balcony and noticed her drive by my apartment. I didn't ask her about that either.How do I assure my girlfriend that I am not cheating on her; without going into detail about my past fling? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (30 January 2015):
 I find it odd that you and your friend went out with two girls, and when your girlfriend asked you about the car at your friend's place, you wouldn't answer her.You have acted in a suspicious manner, and that's why she doesn't trust you. Why didn't you just answer her question and set her mind at rest?I advise you sit down with her and talk this all through and clear the air with her. Answer every question she asks honestly without trying to hide things from her. That's how you build trust in a relationship.
A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (30 January 2015):
 Can you tell us why you wouldn't answer and asked her to leave? That sounds very hurtful. Her only choice after that was the create her own scenario and go crazy.
What's the problem with her asking that simple question?
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (30 January 2015):
 It's funny how guys wonder why their GFs don't trust them but never pause long enough to think or realize what it is that they've done to cause such an reaction from their GFs.
Trust is built and earned. Trust is gained by being together as a couple, witnessing eachother's actions and reactions to situations around us.
Yes, when you and your GF were broken up, it IS Ok to date other girls. Although I always wonder, if a couple has only been broken up a few weeks or month, and the guy is already dating another girl, how serious is he about his ex-girlfriend. Then why get back together? But any how, yes it's OK to date when apart. But you were back together as a couple yet you went out with 'other ladies' to celebrate your friend's birthday, without inviting your GF. When she asks you about the extra car, you refused to explain... I don't blame her for not trusting you!! I have a feeling this is not the only time you acted like a 'single guy' either.
If you are serious about this GF and want this relationship to work, you'll need to show her with action and gain her trust again!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 January 2015):
 This is not about your past fling unless she was one of the "ladies" you and your friend went out with.
Was she?
See that! I don't even know you and I don't trust you, imagine what it must be like for your girlfriend.
This is about you acting single and going out with some ladies. This is about you refusing to answer a simple question like "who's car was that?" and then, after refusing to answer telling her to leave.
What is that, some sort of lever to keep her on edge and emotionally off balance so you can the USE that against her?
Her trust is gone, and the only way to restore it is to have a discussion about those ladies you went out with. If you had not brushed off her very valid question after you had gone out with those ladies she would not have felt compelled to go through your phone. A relationship without honest communication is doomed to failure.
I imagine if one of the ladies was your past fling your relationship is over.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2015):
 You can't. If she is SO insecure and distrustful of you, there isn't much you can do.
Here is the thing, she SAID she was OK with you having dated while on the break, SHE WASN'T. And now she is "punishing" you for it. She will continue to do so, and she feels entitled to do so as your GF.
However, I have to say, you go out with a friend for his Birthday and a "couple of ladies" seriously? why wasn't your GF invited? To me that screams of "I'm a single dude - behavior". And when she ASKS about the extra car you REFUSE to answer. And you WONDER why she doesn't trust you?
I think you LIKE keeping your GF on edge. So she knows you can replace her ANY time.
And SHE in turn, is turning into this control freak who does "casual" drive by's and goes through your phone to check up on you.
It sounds unhealthy and immature of the both of you.
My advice if you INTEND on sticking it out with your GF ASK her, WHAT can I do for you to trust me?
Personally, I believe if trust is gone other things will fall like dominoes. Trust, then respect, then self-respect (your GF is already there), then love and affection and you got nothing left of the original relationship.
TRUST is EARNED, not given.
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