A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Cupid:I like lady-like women, the kind that are morally absolute and would make a good mother, wife and professionals. This being said, I met this girl in a group situation (several sessions) who was very intelligent and attractive and seemed to be just what I've been looking for. I found myself really taken by her but didn't really get the opportunity to talk to her much or ask her out. After a few months, I kept thinking about her, I knew her email address so I finally sent her an email saying I thought she was interesting and would like to give her call. She replied that she was "kind of" seeing someone. It's been about a year and I still think of her, I've seen her a few times since, but it's never in the right environs. I think I'm so attracted to her because she is such a rare find, but am I crazy to like someone I barely know? I try to think in terms of logic over emotion, but she is truly unique. What's my next step? Another email? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): Ok, this is me, the poster again.
Because of the responses here, I feel like I must expand on the story. I met this girl in a college class. We're in the same profession and both graduated at the top of our class (that was the group situation I was talking about). I'm afraid to get into detail in the possibility that she may see this and be creeped out. However, when I sent the original email, she didn't really remember me, but I took it in stride, told her that I thought she was a great person and wished her luck with the guy she was "kind of seeing". After that, we were both selected to participate in some conferences to represent our college class, but regretably, my pride wouldn't allow me to engage in serious conversation with her after her original denial. (You know how it feels to be denied and go into your shell!)
She now works in a high profile company and I work with a government agency that partners with them, that being said, we have many mutual friends and have both gained a nice foothold in our city. She knows where I'm at and vice versa.
I don't think I have a "fantasy image" as has been suggested in these responses. Based on her advancement in our industry and the humble correspondence we've had, I think she is a female reflection of myself and has a great sense of self worth. Even if she turns out to not be my every fantasy, I'm not so uptight that I would dislike her for this or that detail, she has the general disposition that I would respect in any person.
To the anonymous reader who asked if we had mutual friends...yes we do, but it is a very professional situation that would be difficult to bring a relationship question into. How do I say "By the way, do you know "so and so" who works in your department? Do you know if she's dating anyone? Can you set up a fake meeting for me?" I've thought about it, but can't see how I can pull it off.
I really appreciate all of your comments, especially because they seem to be coming from women, which definitely helps!! I'll leave this message with this question: I complimented this girl greatly in my email correspondence, I told her that I thought she was an intelligent, self respecting woman, and that is how she caught my eye. What is the chance that she will seek me out (via my email address) once she is single, or if she is currently single? As a guy, if this happened to me, I would look to get back in touch with this person if I became single again. I guess my question is...who's court is the ball really in? I'd really love to just send another email asking if I can meet her for lunch, but this isn't a situation I want to carelessly blow.
I need some HONEST female advice.
A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (30 July 2008):
 The reason you think of her is because she is a mystery to you; the less you see her, the more the mystery around her grows and the more fascinated you become.
Tisha-1 is right, you have built a fantasy around her...precisely because she is mystery to you. From the few times you have seen her you have built up a great palatte of imaginations about her; which could of course, but they could be untrue as well. Like Tisha says, she could have baggage, have a side to her personality that you haven't seen and might not like; on the hand she could be truly perfect for you.
So yes, I would email her to "test the water", but don't go putting all your eggs in one basket.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): I definitely think you should email her. It makes sense that you like her so much even though you barely know her - with certain people the connection and chemistry are so intense and real that it doesn't matter how much you've interacted. You just know. I've also found it to be obvious (usually) within the first few minutes when it just isn't a good match... and of course that's much more common. If it feels right, contact her. Even if nothing happens now she will have the knowledge that you're around. It can take time for things to sink in, but I believe that certain relationships are kind of meant to be... at least that's the way it seems sometimes. So go for it, and try not to worry if things don't work out... because if they don't it could be because she would not have been good for you anyway. If you never try you'll never know, right? And regrets are often more lasting than disappointment. I hope you get what you want :) Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): Do you have any mutual friends? If so you could plan an activity, like going to a concert and dinner, with a small group of people. This way you could get to know her a little better. If you still would like to ask her out, you will have created the opportunity.
If you don't have mutual friends, then you should try to strike up a conversation if you will see her soon. If you never see her then email her. I don't think you have anything to loose. If she wants to go out fine, if not you won't have to wonder about it anymore.
I don't think your crazy to like someone you don't know extremely well. Actually, I think it's pretty normal and even romantic. I wish you luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 What do you have to lose by emailing her? She may come back and say that she is in a committed relationship. On the other hand, she may be single and looking.
Just keep in mind that you have built this whole fantasy around her, and we women rarely can manage to live up to the ideal archetypal woman imagined by our men. Pedestals are so hard to work around, especially if your guy believes and expects that you have no flaws.
I expect she's human, with some baggage and some great characteristics, just like the rest of us.
So remember, faint heart never won fair maiden. But also be realistic about her and don't be too devastated if she turns out to be all too human.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, paisley07 +, writes (30 July 2008):
Hello. I would go with your intuition. If it has been a year and you are still thinking of her, I would try to get ahold of her. Become friends and see what happens. That way you will truly know what she's like.
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