A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I know I might sound immature saying this, but I'm just frustrated and I wanted to see if anyone had any suggestions. My regular friends never seem to have time for me anymore and I really wnat to amke new ones(not to replace the old ones, but just to ahve more people to hang out with). I am lonely, but I don't want that feeling to get to me so much that I feel I need to have a boyfriend just to have someone to talk to. I'm single now, and while I wouldn't mind having a bf, I'm also taking grad classes for education and I need to put all my effort into that right now. I want to be more social and outgoing and I joined a pottery class hoping I'd find people my age that I could connect with, but they aren't really my age but I did make friends with them because it doesn't matter but most of them can't hang out a lot because they ahve faimilies or husbands or wives. I really don't want to get depressed over this and I even joined match.com because I just felt I couldn't take being alone anymore. I know there are worse things than being lonely, but being an only child and being single is getting to me (not that those things are bad) and I feel I need to ahve someone to confide in or talk to on a semi-regular basis. Does anyone have any advice that could help me out? Thanks a lot.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 July 2008):
I think Frank has a really good idea. On another note, your friends may think that you don't like to do what they're doing. Sometimes they just automatically think you're not interested so they just don't invite you or they think that you'll just say "no" anyway. Sometimes you have to invite yourself. And if it's something that you've never done before but you're not really into, just give it a try, you'll never know if you like something until you try it! And don't feel bad if you're asking to come along too. Especially if they're already your good friends, they dont' mind and may even be surprised that you want to come. :)
Also, going out by yourself isn't so bad either. Go get some coffee, go for a walk, or the bookstore. Instead of studying at your place, go study where it's quiet, but there's still people around. Getting out there always helps you feel better, even if you are still alone.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 Here is what I suggest to create some new social circles for you. Pick one night of the week, say Thursday night. Make it a point to go out every Thurs. The key to making this work is to do something different every week. Never repeat. One Thurs go star gazing, another go dancing, another go to a movie, another visit a new coffee shop, another, etc....keep things inexpensive.
Step two, invite everyone you know to each outing. If you meet someone new during the week or weekend, invite them along to your Thursday night outing. Tell each person to bring their friends. Everyone wants to go out and have fun, but so few want to lead. In about 3 months, you will have tons of new friends and contacts.
Step three, all those people that you invite out...will turn around and invite YOU to join them on other nights of the week.
Have fun.
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
male
reader, saltwater  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 Hi there...
Well you are certainly on the right lines joining clubs.
Don't think of joining match.com as desperate; you would be surprised how many people have met partners on the internet; a friend of mine met his girlfriend on the net and they have been happily together for 4 years -- and soon to be married; so you could be surprised with the results; whether you're looking for a partner or just friends.
The only thing you can do in "real life" is join more clubs; or go places that interest you or places that have a vibrant social atmosphere; places like the gym are the cliche example, but places like that are a great place to meet like-minded peeople, which, when you enter early-mid 20's, you start to want to to be around more like minded people, rater than just casual friends...this could be why your current friends seemingly don't have time for you; maybe they are going through the same period.
It's the only thing you can do...to go out there and meet like-minded people!
You could be the most vibrant and funny person to be around, but if you don't put yourself out there then nobody is going to notice you!
Good luck x
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