A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My common-law husband is visiting adult dating chat rooms while I am sleeping. If I ask him about it I know he get defensive and hide the truth (he knows I wouldn't approve). Any advice on how I can approach this topic with him without causing a fight and with getting the truth?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): Hun, I am surprised to hear you say you need advice on how to 'approach this topic with your man without causing a fight'? Help me understand how you can be in love with someone who is betraying you by visiting adult dating site? I mean, are you saying that you are afraid to upset this man? Don't you care what kind of man he is? Why, I ask?? You approach him and let him know you know what he's up to. Stop excusing his actions. You want his love and attachment so badly, that you are not wanting to be marred but the ugly realities of what he's doing. It will just take one willing women on this dating site and he'll be off and running. And where will that leave you? This relationship needs some boundaries and you to enact them by taking a stand, hun.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): I hate that! My boyfriend does it too and he thinks he's so slick when he clicks out quickly when I enter the room. Wish I could help, but I'm in the same boat. I have told him that I think chat rooms and online flirting is tacky and for losers that are incapable of carrying on a REAL conversation. I believe my guy does it because he doesn't respect women and he's insecure. Something about a picture of another women and dialog to go with it might make him feel like he is ACTUALLY communicating with a real person but that isn't so. Online people are fakes & frauds. They present themselves as people they would LIKE to be, not people they actually are. He thinks that misrepresenting himself as a single man isn't THAT awful and that it is just a bit of fun and he has insomnia and gets bored. I even loaded myself in eharmony to see if we were a match, and of course we were! I feel bad for the other guys that want to meet me, but maybe they're fakes & frauds too! I thought that the eharmony stunt would blow the covers off but it didn't. He's on Sugardaddie.com all the time. It's really getting my upset. Good luck sweetheart. I love my man and I pray everyday that he abandons this mid life crisis obsession. I am powerless over it. He has to want to stop. In his mind he isn't doing anything wrong because he doesn't plan to meet them in person. I disagree because I feel like the strain it has put on our relationship has caused more damage than he'll ever know or be able to comprehend in his self-serving, insecure, narcissistic mind.
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A
female
reader, Rhi +, writes (21 January 2007):
 You could always try dropping into conversation adult chat sites, he might come out about it, you could also mention some made up story bot a friend who went on these chat sites, got caught and lsot everything as his wife divorced him and took the kids and got the house etc. This might wake him up and might also hint that u know he is going on these sites and maybe he'll stop. I also agree with the other answer you have recieved, you should at his history and c what kind of women he's been talking to and what kind of things he's been saying to them.
Good luck! xxx
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A
female
reader, skoolof life  +, writes (21 January 2007):
 There is a simple way, stay up with him so he doesnt have the opportunity! Or, entice him to bed. Apart from these I would confront him, regardless, have you ever loooked on these sites yourself and seen the women who chat to him?
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