A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for just over a month now, we're both 15. We're both sensible and intelligent so we're not gonna try anything major for a while and we both know where we stand on this because we were both in a conversation with a load of people about that a few months before I asked her out. I want to go a bit further with her, without getting to anything major for a while. I've become more touchy with her but I'm scared of doing something wrong like feeling somewhere that she feels uncomfortable or feeling like I'm coming on too fast. I've said a few times that if she wants me to stop or try something or stop something to just say but evrey time she just says 'ok' but I want her to tell me what I'm oing right or wrong or if she wants to try something else. I'm terrible at speaking to her about stuff like that because I feel a bit prattish and every time i think of saying anything about going further i'll just end up choking on my words or muttering to myself. I couldn't even ask her out properly, I just kind of mumbled it into her hair and she didnt hear me properly. How can I stop the communication breakdown and find out what else she would like to do or if she ever want me to stop something. I'd like to meet up at one of our houses and she's asked me round a few times but I made up an excuse just to go somewhere else instead because her parents scare me and I dont want to get into a situation where i'll have to meet them properly especially if we're getting closer. I havent asked her round because I dont feel confortable having her round with my family in and there's nearly always someone in the house or out and could come back any minute.I'm just really confused about how to approach going any further. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): Okay I am 16. I understand where you are coming from, I choke on my own words sometimes when asking her something , the way I get around it is I think about it for a little while and then count to 5 and then go into the sentance it usually works. and if you are worried about going wrong just think what feels nice on you or how you would like to be touched and treated =D and about the parents , jsut lump it, thye cant be that bad my girls parents scared me at first but dont anymore whne you get used ot them.
A
female
reader, ladycharm +, writes (30 December 2007):
 first of all am 16 years old nd can i just say i wish there was more lads like you were i come from now to ur problim she is most likley as nervious as you are but i think you sould just stick to what your doing for now and when its right you'll know what to do trust me you will both feel it maybe you are so nurvious because some where inside you you no that you not ready to take things any further just talk to her and tell her how you feel good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): Ask her...see if what she is comfortable with. But yes you gotta meet the parents!
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A
male
reader, dc.ryan +, writes (30 December 2007):
 Hello,
Well you're both 15, entering a new relationship and a world of experiences awaits you - perhaps 1 month is a bit too early to be jumping into things a bit more intimate; but lets discuss something else first;
I'm a bit concerned that you don't want to meet her parents, I know its daunting and we've all been there and you feel you're being monitored for faults/bad qualities - but you've just got to accpet this. Listening to what you've written, you sound the like the guy who really does care; and truely values your building relationship - and these are the qualities that her parents are going to want to see!
Theres no point trying to run away from meeting her parents properly, as if you want the relationship to work in the long term you're going to *have* to get comfortable with her family - and same with yours! Consider this; both your parents (yours and hers) all know what its like to be in an early relationship - and they are going to think nothing less of you.
Now back to the subject in hand; going further with your girlfriend - its really important to not make her feel rushed, as its crucial she feels comfortable before you do anything more intimate (and you clearly understand this, which is great). I think we all find it difficult to talk about sexual things (although this becomes easier as your relationship grows, and you really don't mind discussing it - but still its difficult).
How ever, this is the key - you need to talk to her about it, theres no point diving in and risking her being thoroughly put off you - feeling shes been rushed, abused or even assaulted; you risk getting into a lot of trouble and more importantly you risk loosing the girl you potentially will spend the rest of your life with. I know you're probably thing "but I can't talk about this kinda thing to her!!" as you've already explained - but that is what makes relationships tick; communication, and its critical.
If its easier, don't talk about it suddenly out of the blue - perhaps when you're getting more touchy and feel like you want to go a little further (I'm presuming you don't mean sex, just general foreplay) - whisper in her ear, or just tell her "fancy going a little further?" perhaps not in those exact words, but try and make it sound romantic and new - if she seems to jump at the idea, ensure she understands what you mean.
Probably not the advice you wanted, but also keep in mind of your countries laws on sexual engagements.
Ryan
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