A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated my best friend for a few months at the begining of the year, we had been friends for 3 years prior, and yes I already know it was probably a bad idea, he lied to me and I left him, giving him some space for a few months then we started being friends again (call him A to make things easier.)I met back up with a different ex, (call him B for ease), a few months ago, this guy has had his problems and we had split up 3 years ago due to his past girlfriend, but I had always cared about him deeply so never really let go, when a health situation brought us close at the end of this year I jumped at the chance to be with him because Id never stopped caring despite the problems and always felt at the time he was the "one" for me, obviously when we split three years ago I thought it wasnt true and moved on, went out with a few guys of which A was one of them.When my relationship began with B I was honest with A immediately, and did not hide it from him. I sometimes discussed problems with A about B as best friends do, because A had mentioned the fact he was completely fine with it all and that he was just glad we had remained friends, however he began to become rather nasty regarding B and I stopped telling him so much, only for him to reveal he did still care, I suggested we stopped speaking for a while so that he could have time to get over it and on with his life without me, which he refused. Eventually a few days ago it reached the point where it wasnt just B he was being nasty about, he said that he had always been second best to B he never meant anything too me and so on which is absolute rubbish. He also tried to sabbotage my relationship with B by interfering and talking to A about me in a derogatory sense.This time I cut all ties, but I cant help but feel intense anger towards A for almost destroying my relationship with B and being so callous with his comments. am I justified?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (30 December 2007):
 Yes, you are justified to be upset. A should not have agreed to be friends if he could not do so. In the future however, even if you are best friends with someone you used to date you should probably refrain from talking about someone you are dating. It would be different if you hadn't dated your friend but because the two of you shared an intimate relationship your friendship probably wouldn't tolerate discussions where he is perhaps feeling compared to A.
At this point it is probably best to sever all ties to your friend. I don't know if you should hang onto that anger because he simply couldn't help himself. I think his behavior falls into being human. So, forgive him but realize the friendship has suffered.
Good luck with B.
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