A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been on 3 dates with this guy and things are going smooth,he suggested our next date should be at his 'apartment'..we haven't had sex or made out yet we r just in 'getting to know each other' phase..he sent me a text earlier today saying 'so when am I going to see your gorgeous face next,and I was thinking we could hang out at my place instead?'How do I respond to this,I don't mind hanging out at his place,may be he just wants to watch a movie or something but I need to know what exactly does he want..how do I ask him this in a nonchalant way?any ideas?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): O ,please, right, he just wants to watch a movie, hahaha. Of course not movie he has in mind. No his house dates, unless you want sex with him. I remember one guy took me out on a first date and then as soon as we left my house, he said he needs to peek up something at home. I was 17, and I actually thought that what he is going to do, to pick up something at his house. When we got to his house, he insisted for me to come in, as he said, he doesn't want to leave me in a car by myself, as his neibourhood is not that great. I naively went in, and after I had to resist for half an hour his attempts to have sex with me. I could hardly managed to leave. Not all men are alike, but most want sex as soon as possible, and nothing else. That's why we, girls need to be very selective to avoid getting hurt. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): Thank you for all the answers:)And its definitely not rocket science he wants 'sex' but I was hoping otherwise,so I'm gona suggest we meet at a lounge instead..does it hurt a guys ego when girls turn down a date and suggest something different!
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A
female
reader, Hollyhock  +, writes (1 May 2013):
You don't need to ask - he is hoping for sex.All you need to do is say that you're not ready for dates at his place and would rather you went out for a meal, to the cinema, or wherever. You can say this very nicely and you don't have to even mention the sex issue. If he brings the sex issue up then you smile sweetly and say that you are enjoying the dating and would like the two of you to get to know each other better before you move on to the next stage,Good luck.
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A
female
reader, maisy1 +, writes (1 May 2013):
You never ask a man what his expectation's are from the next date. That would be foolish and niaive. Honey, do you think he's honestly going to say he's looking to get you into bed? No! Should you believe his inevitable "innocent" response of looking to watch a dvd together or cook you a meal? No way!Judge the situation not the words. Actions speak far louder as they say. Clearly he wants to get you alone and will want to have sex with you. To be a little blunt OP if you don't know why a guy would want you to go back to his place (after the rather obvious statement about your gorgeous face especially) then you need to be a bit more aware and less trusting.Simple state that you are not ready to go for a date at his place. If he doesn't like it don't let him bully you as that will show he is just after sex! ONLY go back to his place when you are emotionally ready for sex and have sorted out protection and birth control. This guy sounds like hes after one thing and one thing only OP. 3 dates and hes saying that to you? Big red flag honey!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): Don't let him convince you. I was invited to a neighbours house for dinner, I thought I knew him & he was being "neighbourly"
He gave me drugs I didn't ask for and my recollection of the evening is a complete blank.
I have to still live near him and learnt a very very hard lesson, trust is something that takes a long long time, don't put yourself in a vulnerable position by being a happy go lucky, genuine person.
Some people out there are just plain evil and until they have proved otherwise treat them as if they have the potential to be.
I don't want to freak you out, just want to make you aware how important it is to think of yourself and your well being before the wants of others.
Yes you have a beautiful face but if he wants to see more he needs to get to know you as a person first. If he doesn't have time for that, don't waste anymore of your time with him x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 May 2013):
 No, he does not want to watch a movie and he does not want to cook. He might do that- for starters, but the finality of the date is having sex, or at least reaching the max. stage of physical intimacy you 'd let him.
I.e., he would not rape you ( I hope at least ! ) but it would be a long , frustrating and annoying " negotiation " where your limits would be constantly tested .
So I'd suggest that you'd skip home dates altogether , until the time when you'd actually be happy and looking forward toward getting more physically intimate.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 May 2013):
 NOPE he does NOT want to WATCH a movie at his place.... he wants to see more of your gorgeous face and BODY....
I'd decline an at home date till you know him better and are sure you are willing to be physical with him.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 May 2013):
I don't think it has to mean that his intentions are sexual... Maybe he had in mind cooking you dinner, watching a movie, etc. Sometimes it's fun to have a house date.
HOWEVER, it's just soooooo close to the bedroom that he may not be able to resist you.
So if you don't want sex yet, suggest something different. If you would like to have sex, its time to wax and whatever else you ladies do.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 May 2013):
 I agree with the other uncles & aunties.
DO NOT spend an evening at his place if you aren't up for sex yet, and honestly after only 3 dates I think you need to wait.
I would just keep it to public places for now, if he wants to watch a movie, he can take you to the cinema.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (1 May 2013):
 He wants sex, end of. He will try it on and you'll have to say no and things may be awkward and uncomfortable after that. If you've been on some nice dates on public then tell him you're enjoying yourself and would like to carry on dating him. In public. Don't go to his house.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): I don't mean to rain down on your parade but I believe from my past dating experience you are going to be entering the necking phase followed by what ever you feel comfortable in allowing to happen. Or it could mean nothing is going to happen because he is still exploring to get to know you better. I guess you could hint to him by asking is there anything that you should bring over? I.e, wine, chips, stuff like that. Give it a try. In my case my present boyfriend asked me over his place and he made dinner. By watching what he was doing and acting as excited like he was it didn't take me any time to figure out what he was up too. The chocolate covered strawberries, the nice smelling candles,low lights.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): You don't need to ask him OP. When a guy asks you to hang out at his place it's because he wants to get sexual.
So now you know. There's little need to ask him.
Come on OP, you're old enough to know why a guy you're dating wants to take you somewhere to be alone, the place where his bedroom is etc. It's not rocket science.
Now there's nothing to say he won't want to watch a movie too but his plan is to make a move on you. Simple as that.
I wouldn't bother asking him either OP, whenever girls have asked me or told me "Just so you know there won't be any hanky panky". I said fine and tried it on anyway.
I mean we can hardly say come on over for some sexy fun to every woman, so we ask them over for coffee, dinner or to watch a movie.
But if you think we invite you to be alone with us and not make a move, then good luck.
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