A
female
age
36-40,
*aygookin
writes:I’ve been chatting with this guy I know on instant messenger for about 4 days in a row now. We’ve known each other for about 4 months, give or take a week, and he’s been there to help with things here and there because I’m currently in a new country with little knowledge of the language, and so he’s been helping translate for me and a couple others and has even walked me to the bus stop so I wouldn’t get lost.Our situation has started to remind me of my first real heartbreak though. Back when I was in university I started really chatting with a friend online when I moved to the next town over to continue school. We went on some dates, made-out and he even came to my apartment to surprise me with a rose one day. But, the week after bringing the rose he went on a trip and when he came back he changed his status on FB to “in a relationship” and it took me chatting to him to discover he’d decided to “go steady” with another girl and that he “just didn’t feel that way about me”. So, here I am chatting with this new guy in my life and I can’t tell if he’s going to be like THAT GUY if I start expressing interest beyond friendship, or if he’s interested in me in that way. I don’t want to do this again. I’m wiser now about all this, but I like chatting with him every day now and he seems to enjoy it too but it might be that he’s just being nice. He'll ask me how my day was, crack jokes, etc. But, as I said, it still reminds me of the other guy, and the fact that I still have a horrible time reading him in person makes it hard to tell if he's interested. How do I approach this so I don’t end up repeating the past?
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female
reader, Waygookin +, writes (9 July 2014):
Waygookin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, I'm giving it some time. Thank you for the advice. I do talk to him in person, for the record. It's not just IM. I've pulled back on the IM's and I'm considering our real-world interactions more. It's made my life a lot less stressful, that's for sure.
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (1 July 2014):
Hi i can quiet understand how you feel from your past experience and its only natural to feel this way and remember that no 2 men are alike. Enjoy the friendship as it is and give it time to develope,Let your friend make the first move to a more romantic situation.Give it time .Best Wishes NORA B.
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A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (1 July 2014):
 Hi Waygookin,
You speak to him on instant messanger, that doesn't equate to knowing him. People put up false images of themselves, both to protect themselves or for a bit of fun.
The truth is you can't really know someone, until you have been with them in real life for a while. Some people, it takes years to get to know the real them, others are an open book.
Don't consider this a relationship, until you have met in real life and see where it goes from there. As for repeating your past, if you take this too quickly and judge him based on how he is online, you will end up doing it over again.
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