A
female
age
36-40,
*unkissed10
writes:I am in a relationship with a 24 year old man-boy, or so at times he acts like one. I am pretty laid back, and it doesn't take too much to please me in a relationship. However trust is the most important thing to me, and I feel like it is falling out of my hands and I cannot somehow get a grip of it. I have been dating my bf for almost two years now and we seem to be riding this merry go round that has a mixture of good times and bad times, but through it all I always have doubts. It is the worst feeling when all you want to do is love someone and you feel like there is this little bug in your ear telling you "What will he do next?". I don't think i have ever wanted something to work out as bad as my relationship with him. My parents help me as much as they can and tell me i deserve better, and all they want is for me to be happy. And that is what I want. I am normally a happy go lucky girl.I have also gained about 20lbs within the last 2 years due to my emotional eating habits which i am working on. A little background that might have something to do with it. He cries as if someone ran his dog over when we fight which causes me to experience intense anxiety that makes me cry, he has recently completed probation for a DUI that he had before we met, and his dad that he doesn't keep in contact with is a former alcoholic. Now that he is off probation he likes going to bars more often and I start getting paranoid. I just feel that when he drinks he doesn't think..at all which leads me to the first lie. It all him lying to be about going to a strip club which i caught him in the lie and then he cried his eyes out hysterically when we first started dating. So I gave him another chance.. Not even 6 months later he did it again and told me he was somewhere that he wasn't. I actually drove to the place he said he was at and he proved me right and he was really at hooters. When we first started dating he took me there and he would flirt with the waitresses right in front of me, and i cannot believe i let that slide, but i always had a bad taste in my mouth because of it. Next one night a few months later I got nosey and looked at his phone and saw that he has been sending snapchats back and forth to atleast 5 different girls and he flipped when I called him out. It was a really ugly argument he practically barricaded me in his room..he swore they were stupid pictures of dogs or food.The next time he lied again about 3 months ago about being at another bar that he convinced me he was at and i caught him lying again. At this bar the bartender added him on Facebook the night they met so that he could possibly help her with a "job connection" she has a child and a bf so i don't know what interest she has in my bf.It is extremely frustrating and I honestly don't know what to do. I ended up taking a break from him (lasted for about a week) I really missed him and then we got back together because I told him we would try to work it out. Now we are together and I just have so many doubts, but im super close with him and his family and its so hard to give up because i begin to think what if he changes, and i somehow learn how to trust him again. It is so distracting, and it has really impacted my life due to me thinking about what he could possibly be doing wrong. Please any advice would be extremely appreciated. Thank you so much.
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female
reader, Sunkissed10 +, writes (1 July 2014):
Sunkissed10 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for the advice. Its just hard because I am happy with him otherwise..Why does it have to be so complicated?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2014): There's certainly nothing YOU can do to change his behaviour. He has to want to change it himself and see a reason to change it but because you let his behaviour slide so many times in the past, he won't see the need to change.I think your boyfriend is following in his father's footsteps and becoming an alcoholic too. He's already had a DUI and most of his lies seem to come out when he's been in some kind of drinking establishment.His bursting into tears during disgreements is a method of manipulation. It's designed to make you shelve your own feelings and concentrate on his instead. And make you forget or forgive your grievances at his bad behaviour. I had a lodger who used to pull the same trick whenever I pulled him up on breaking house rules and suggested that he "may be happier living elsewhere". It worked twice and then I did throw him out. I gave him three months notice as per his contract. When I reminded him two months later, it turned out that he'd made no effort to find anywhere else and burst in to tears begging me to let him stay citing all his problems as reasons why. He'd just been expecting me to let it slide again and forget that I'd asked him to move. It didn't work. He was an alcoholic too
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (1 July 2014):
 When your in a relationship you should be happy and in love.
Your not happy, your being emotionally blackmailed in a way, he is pulling your heart strings when you argue by using tears. It's developed into a cycle now.
If you don't trust him, which I don't blame you for, then you have no future.
You have walked away once, yes it's hard, but walk away again and stay away. With the help of family and friends you will get over him. Have no contact, do not let him persuade you to come back. Be strong.
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