A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive been dating a man for over a year now. He is divorced and has kids. He is quite busy with his work, travels a lot for work, and deals with a lot of guilt about not spending enough time with his kids. Friday I texted him and asked him if he would be able to get together and he said " we will see" because he had plans with this kids all weekend. I told him I understood and that it was no big deal. I think he thought I was angry and misunderstood my text because he responded and said that he had had a tough week at work, was trying to spend time with his kids, and that he was fighting with his ex-wife and that "he didn't need the same from me". I texted back and told him he misunderstood my text, that everything was good and that I understood what he was saying. He didn't respond back that night. The following morning I asked him if he was ok? He responded that he had had a "big fight with his ex and that he didn't want to talk about it and was going to go and take care of the yard work". I thought everything was ok. I responded back and told him that I was taking care of some chores around the house and told him I was there for him. Later on in the day I texted him to see how his day was because I knew he had been upset and I just wanted to check on him. He didn't respond so I just texted him a final text just telling him that I hoped he was ok. That was Saturday. I have not heard from him since. He has not responded. I don' t know what to do. I don't feel that I have done anything wrong, so I don' t think an apology is warranted, and he did respond and told me what was happening during the day.He has done this in the past, of not responding, especially when he's really busy, but I have not gotten used to it and still don't know how to deal with it. I believe his way of dealing with things is to withdrawal.Does anyone have any suggestions? Do I contact him again? Do I leave him alone and let him come to me? I'm sure he is ok and is just trying to work through whatever the fight was about with his ex.I appreciate your help.
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at work, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): I am the OP....
Thank you all for your input. I have not contacted him since Saturday and he has not answered me. I feel as if I should continue to check on him though bc he may think that I don't care. But I don't want to contact him and have him continue to ignore me. Why do I have this feeling that I won't hear from him again and why am I not ok with that?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 July 2014):
 I would just leave it be.
Yes, you have "invested 18 months" into this guy and you are not getting anything back, because... he isn't really ready to date AT all. He doesn't have MUCH to GIVE back. So you are DOING all the work and whenever he gets overwhelmed or wants space he just retreats. THAT is not a guy who is ready. He still has WAY too much INVESTED in his ex. The fact that they are still making drama (one way or another) means they aren't really LETTING go of each other - doesn't mean the CARE for each other but they stubbornly won't let the other person move on.
I'd go out and let new people. Hopefully you can met some men who are a LOT less complicated and with a lot less baggage.
You have spend 18 months and gotten basically no where. So time to stop wasting any more on him.
If he some time down the line reaches out, I would just let him know that this is not what you are looking for, and wish him well.
I think he is being kind of unfair to side-line you constantly and then expect you to be sitting on the bench for when he DOES want to put you in the game... Really? Who wants that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2014): I am the OP....
I understand and do feel that I am and have been putting more into the relationship than he has. But how do I just let something go that I've invested in for the past year and a half?
Do I just leave it and not contact him again or do I tell him I'm done?
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A
male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (1 July 2014):
Hi,
He has all this emotional stuff going on. He is not ready for a relationship. Comments like, 'We'll see,' really are a waste of time. If I were you, I wouldn't invest any more time in this man. Don't worry about his welfare and if he is alright. He could easily get in touch to say hello or acknowledge you with a one line text. He can't even do that.
I would now leave him alone. Wait until he responds first and then go from there.However, I would not invest all your time in this. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 July 2014):
 Just leave him be, you are more invested in this relationship than he is and the cracks are showing now.
He has got baggage, a lot of it, plus his job which he needs to support his family by way of maintenance and also himself.
I don't think he should be in a relationship just now, he doesn't have the time or commitment to give. He should be dating casually as and when he can.
I would get on with your life, date others, he is not as available as you are and this will only cause you more heartache in the future.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 July 2014):
Nope, I'd leave him be. He should even be out there dating with all that drama he has going on with the ex.
It can be easy to misinterpret a text, but.... he just doesn't seem to want to make time for you, not even to TALK to you.
So, I'd stop wasting my time on this guy.
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