A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so my best friends bad are playing at this pub tonight. the girl i really like is going to be there but she has a boyfriend who is a friend so i want to get her out of my head.i think that cause its a pub i could try and talk to girls and set something up. but i haven't been out or even asked a girl out ever! so i need your help how do i approach a girl?should i look at her and smile then approach her?how should i introduce myself/what should i talk about first?what should i generally talk about?and what should i say to go for a date?sorry about the questions just ive neer done it before and please don't say be yourself because that doesn't tell me a way to approach her i will be myself when i get talking with a girl. thanks guys
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male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Thanks Jmtmj for your comment a few days ago. I'm sorry for replying so late, I literally just saw your comment this minute.
I'm very flattered that you've looked for an "approaching guide" from me in my profile area...and I promise I will post some additional information on the subject very soon.
Enjoy the rest of your day!
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 September 2011):
 I'm actually surprised this wasn't mentioned..
But I like it when a guy approaches me says "Hello" and asks me if he can buy me my next drink. If I accept that's an invitation to strike up conversation, and "yes, I'm interested". If I say "No thank you." and that's all, I just shot you down. However, if I say "No thank you." because I have a drink already (that's still half full) and still keep on talking after you introduce yourself while your drink is being made then I'm interested. In my opinion, that's the easiest way to approach a chick without being awkward.
Conversation: Talk about the cover band playing there that night, or the awful 40 yr old woman singing along to Abba's "Dancing Queen" on amateur karaoke night. Music you're interested in, what area you're from, what's your major in uni, or what you do for a living..etc.
As the rest of it goes, the guys pretty much covered it.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (9 September 2011):
 Funnily enough Daniel, I actually went to your profile before I replied to this post and went through your articles looking for an "approaching" guide, but didn't find one...
You seem to know your stuff, I think guys would benefit from your writing more on this in the article section. :D
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (9 September 2011):
First off I agree with jmtmj with a lot of what he said in his comments. And would like to give you my thoughts on your questions... how do i approach a girl?- Before you approach a girl you have to make sure that you look good (meaning your clothes, hair, and even nails are neat and clean), your breath smells good, and you plan to be process-oriented (by flirting, and getting to know her) rather than outcome oriented (like you must get her number or you'll feel bad for even approaching),to reduce any feeling of rejection. Then approach with confidence.should i look at her and smile then approach her?- Like the Nike slogan goes: Just Do It. In other words just approach her. If you insist on just hanging back before you go up to her, then feel free to smile and look for a smile back. It's a safe, positive approach, but it doesn't hurt to do it this way.how should i introduce myself/what should i talk about first?- FIRST compliment her. No cheesy one-liners or pick-up lines, but a genuine compliment. THEN extend your hand for a handshake and introduce yourself. When you do talk ask open ended questions about HERSELF- and look for a common interest to make the conversation flow more easily. what should i generally talk about?- Talk about mutually interesting, positive topics. Stay away from topics like politics and religions which may cause the conversation to take a negative turn.and what should i say to go for a date?- Ask for HER number (never give yours) FIRST if the conversation went great and you've noticed at least a few good positive body language cues like smiling, leaning in your direction, flirting, and the all important touch (on your shoulder, hand, or arm from her when she's making a comment or point on something) then when you speak with her, set up a date sometime soon. Strike while the iron is hot! Hope this helps! :^)--I believe these articles that I've written may benefit you as well. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what--women-want-most-from-a-guy.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-create-great-conversations-on-a-date.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-meet-the-man-or-woman-of.htmlKeep us posted!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (9 September 2011):
There're millions and millions of articles about this on the web, I suggest typing "approaching women" into google. In a nutshell though, while you're in the pub:Stand up straight, shoulders back, head up, chest out, feet shoulder width apart, speak in a low tone, (don't overdo these things, but be aware of them). Most importantly though, genuinely have fun, talk to your mates, dance etc... if you look like you're having fun, it's contagious. No girl wants you to bring her "fun level" down, she wants to be brought UP.Go in with the intention of having fun first and possibly getting a date as a bonus... so NO STANDING IN THE CORNER NURSING A BEER AND OGGLING EVERY GIRL WHO WALKS BY. Its transparent, pretty sleazy, boring as hell and a MASSIVE rookie mistake.Girls are better at reading and communicating through body language than guys... in a sense, they're talking to you and you're talking back before either of you have even said a word. So keep that in mind, its important... nobody wants a "come hither" to go unnoticed, its frustrating for both guys and girls alike. Notice who is noticing you. Generally speaking with people we don't know, aren't doing something embarrassing or aren't directly interacting with we'll only afford them about 2 seconds of direct eye to eye contact. Three to five seconds of direct eye contact indicates interest, (for whatever reason). So if you see a girl looking at you repeatedly out of the corner of your eye, make eye contact with her for 3-5 seconds, just to the point where it starts to feel uncomfortable and then just a second more. Count the seconds out in your head, because time can seem much slower. Keep doing this and see how she reacts. If she keeps looking at you, then she's likely to be receptive of you going up and introducing yourself. As far as conversation goes, keep it light, fun, creative and as different as you can... remember that she may have already had seven different guys approach her already tonight, so standing out, (even if its unusual) is key. If she's flirting, laughing a bit too loudly or at things you say that... well... aren't really all that funny, if she's fiddling with her hair, looking you in the eyes a lot, seems genuinely interested in what you say, then you should consider touching her in a "safe spot", shoulders, upper back, lower arm, hands. Important thing here is to NOT look at where you are touching her... its remarkable how looking at where you touch can change how she perceives it. Looking makes it creepy for someone you just met. If she seems uncomfortable, keeps checking her phone, watch, acts disinterested, keeps looking away, looks bored, distances herself from you, doesn't respond well to being touched, (eg. backs away, gives a foul look or flinches), then its time to leave. Simply say "Anyways, lovely to meet you, have a good night". Exit gracefully... do not keep flogging a dead horse. If she is interested, she may seek you out later, if not, well hopefully she won't remember you as "that creepy guy who wouldn't leave me alone" and tell all her friends. The lesson here, don't focus on one girl and one girl only and don't kill your chances with other girls in the vincinity. If you get to the point where you want to kiss her and want to know if she wants you to as well, you should already have touched her in some way... (god that sounds so wrong). Being close to her is important, just a small step away from her or closer... dancing with her is the perfect "excuse" to close this gap. But if she steps back when you step forward, don't keep trying to get closer... (again, creepy guy)... she'll close the gap if or when she's ready... or it might be time to walk away. So you're close to her and want to try to kiss her, easy, look at her left eye, then her right, then her lips... do this a few times, (not in quick succession). If she looks at your lips a few times in return, then there's a good chance she'll be open to you leaning in for a kiss. Again, if you slowly lean in and she leans back... she's not ready or just plain doesn't want to kiss. If you get a kiss, ask for her number straight after. That's how it works, generally speaking, though people will do things differently and somethings may work better for some than others. Hopefully that helps as a general guide though. Good luck out there soldier.
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