A
female
age
30-35,
*orriedgirl2012
writes:Hi all, I was on here in the spring talking about how a really abusive relationship left me sour and I was just doing the friends with benefits thing for awhile. Well- I met someone. He is a kinder man than I could ever have dreamed of. We both had angry/controlling exes, so it works well that we both want an accepting and calm partner. He's so considerate,honest, genuine and patient. We are dating exclusively now after casually dating for a month. I don't see any red flags with him because we've discussed our values and beliefs, but I am aware no one is perfect! I'm trying to identify problems or issues to avoid issues in the future but so far nothing has been something we couldn't discuss or compromise. I have a high sex drive and was always very turned on by my friends with benefits partner, but I feel myself NOT wanting to get too physical with this one because it makes me feel VULNERABLE. I'm struggling because this fits and works so easily, but I'm so used to being alone and being let down. This guy wants to go places with me and plans the best dates, but now I'm getting overwhelmed because I have less free time and am worried about losing my independence that I worked so hard to get. I usually become a mush and codependent in relationships. I really don't want to do that again. How do I just accept a good thing and not run? This is what I've been looking for and the answer to a lot of prayers- but I'm terrified.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2017): You are one of the lucky one. Most of the men don't want to do anything but hide behind your door.So that mean don't want to be seen. i feel something great can come out your relationship.If you can hold back the sex.He will leave or you have a good men.I know you are vulnerable and so am i.Just only hold so much back.Life is just that way.Always remember you can't read another person mind.I can feel your spirit you are a caring person .I also need some clarity in a relationship i were blindside.Rather than focus on the negative.I thank god for DEARCUPID.With others question,i can see my mistakes.i wish you well and i think you are on to something great.
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (9 October 2016):
 I would just talk to him and tell him that you have been super happy with him so far, but because of your recent past, you don't want to rush into anything or go too fast, that you're working on getting your guard down. Give him a sense of the kind of speed you want--say, instead of X amount of dating/contact per week, I think I would feel more comfortable at X amount of contact/dating a week. And at a different time, so you don't seem too intense, like an appropriate time when things are heating up, again tell him you're wanting to wait for the right time and although you're attracted to him and everything, you want to go slow and aren't ready to take it to the next (sexual) level yet.
A good guy should respect that you want to set the pace of the relationship.
I think having this conversation can lighten your anxiety load a bit, but as far as other things you can do? Don't push yourself too hard with the relationship, do what feels right. Don't say to yourself you Should be moving at a particular speed. Do your best to stay in the moment. Enjoy the dates he's set up for you two! Do your best not to think about the implications of every single thing, the direction or course of the relationship, plotting everything out. Just try to stay present with him. Allow yourself to feel joy, and allow yourself to feel the positive things you feel about him. Do the same with your You time/alone time. Set aside some time where it will Always be your time, and do what centers you and makes you feel independent--whether that's window shopping, cozying up with tea or coffee and a book, brunch, meditating, whatever. Try to savor the time you have with yourself so you DON'T feel like your style is cramped. Set boundaries for yourself, know when to say no to him and/or others. Hope that helps!
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