A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got involved with my friends boyfriend A , we still dating even now behind her back.i always feel awful about it.I tried to break up with him but its not working we always find a way to get back to each other.Now A and my friend S have beautiful daughter together.I told him that we should break up so that i can mend my friendship with S but A disagreed because he says he is in love with him,i love him too but i feel guilty about the whole thing.The worst part S knows and suspects about my relationship with A.A and i have been dating about three and half years now.He is the only guy i have ever loved in my life.We cant let go of each other its like we connected by an invisible thread.What should i do to regain my friend s trust again and have a friendship like we used to be.I really love my friend so much?please i need your advice on this sitution i have landed myself. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 April 2016):
 Well if it took you so long to get over your boyfriend then imagine how much harder it will be for her with a child also you say you only ever loved this guy so that makes me think you didn't love your boyfriend yet you found it difficult. She needs time to heal and allow herself to get her life back together now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your honesty,everything you said its ultimate true.I paid for my sins when the same thing happened to me.My boyfriend cheated with my friend then i left him.It took me a lot of time to get over him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (19 April 2016):
Its not called dating, its called being used for sex behind his girlfriends back am afraid. He enjoys having sex with you that is why you always find a way back to him because he is always wanting you to do the dirty behind his girlfriends back, he is having sex with two woman why would he want to stop that?
You and him are not a couple so therefore their is no breaking up involved. You both need to stop having sex with each other, he has already conceived a child with his girlfriend so I really doubt if he has not left her now after so long then he won't. He is looking at you as an extra someone who he can play with. He is being like a naughty child.
If she suspects something then maybe you need to talk to her. Surely you can see that what you are doing is very wrong. Surely you want to make this right. My advice would be to leave them both alone. Change phone number, and move on with your life. Will you live with the guilt and regret? Am pretty sure you will, but that is something you will need to accept.
You are not connected to each other, yes I believe you love him and you probably want him to be your partner, but that can't happen, he wants to be with your friend, and not you. You need to learn to accept that, and stop trying to convince yourself he will leave her and that you both are dating. Even if he did leave her would you be able to trust him? You could catch some STI from him, who knows how many others he is having sex with.
You will never be able to regain your friends trust, the best thing that you can do is to be honest with her, and apologize to her for being a terrible friend. Then what you should do is block both from your life and learn from your mistake. Learn that when you hurt someone like this you lose them. Hopefully you will move forward in life trying harder to be a good person with morals. I don't believe that you love your friend because if you did you never would have jumped in to bed with her boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (19 April 2016):
 Sorry but no kind words from me. Have you ever heard of the saying "With friends like you who needs enemies?" Wrathykins got it in one..how would you feel if you were this woman. How would you feel about someone like you and what would you expect them to do about it? Answer that with moral conscience and you will have your answer in what needs to be done.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2016): "A and i have been dating about three and half years now."No, A and you have been ^^^ing behind his girlfriend's and your "best friend's" back about three and a half years now."What should i do to regain my friend s trust again and have a friendship like we used to be."You are asking the impossible. She would be an absolute fool to even consider trusting you again when she finds out you've been fucking her boyfriend behind her back about three and a half years now. Why would any reasonably sane person want to have a back-stabbing, two-faced ^ like you as a friend.Actions have consequences, and after fucking her boyfriend behind her back for about three and a half years now, there is no possible way you can magically have a friendship like you used to be.Not only are you a self-centered narcissist completely without shame and completely without morals, you are also incredibly stupid to believe a) you can remains "best friends" with the woman whose boyfriend you've been ^^^^^ng behind her back for about three and a half years now and b) a lying, cheating scumbag actually loves you; to him you're just an easy lay, and he'll tell you anything you want to hear as long as you keep putting out for him.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (18 April 2016):
 The only thing you can do for this friend, if you REALLY want to do what's right, is to break up with her boyfriend (regardless of what he says, who cares?) and leave the two of them behind.
Your relationship with S is no longer a friendship. You have betrayed her for years. The only thing that you can do to POSSIBLY redeem yourself at all, is to finally do what you should have done in the first place. Leave her boyfriend alone. And possibly issue a letter of apology. And then leave her to rebuild her life.
The only reason you could have for wanting to fix your friendship with her is to make yourself feel better. This has been about you for 3.5 years. Now what she needs is it to be about her, and she needs to surround herself with positive people and energy. You can't be that for her now.
Don't be manipulated by A. He's clearly a dirtbag, as he's strung the two of you along for so long. This is not a good man. He may have some nice things about him, but see the big picture: he has had two girlfriends at the same time. He has betrayed you both. Leave him immediately.
You need to work on yourself. Grow. Mature. Live life. Explore. Adventure. Create. This has been a toxic time in your life.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, wrathykins  +, writes (18 April 2016):
 Friend?! You are a terrible 'friend'! Sleeping with your 'friend's ' partner?! You should be ashamed that you are calling yourself that.In reality, you can't really have this 'friendship' back, because you know, you're sleeping with her boyfriend. I am sickened by this, imagine what your 'friend' would feel like if she found out, which is only a matter of time because she's already suspicious. Poor, poor girl. This is the ultimate betrayal. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if someone you loved was sleeping with someone you were in love with?
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