A
female
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*ugs2muchgal
writes:i have a (hopefully) simple question to ask. what are you supposed to do at a wake? my boyfriend's grandfather died this morning and he is devastated. i'm doing my best to support him, by comforting him, cheering him up, and lending him a shoulder to cry on. he told me he wanted me at the wake with him for support. i told him i would but i don't know how his family will feel about it because this is a very emotional time for all of them, and although i am close with his whole family, i never met his grandfather and feel as though i would do something to make him embarrassed or uncomfortable instead of helping him. i've only been to one wake before and i embarrassed myself (i was much younger) and i dont know how to behave at this one. do i look at the body? is there anything really religious in it? i'm not christian and this will be a catholic wake and i really dont want to let my boyfriend down when he really needs me. what should i do if and when i go?by the way i would have to go with my boyfriend, his parents, and his sisters since we are both teenagers(15 and 16) and can't drive yet...(thats what i meant by making family uncomfortable)help would be appreciated, since the wake is in three days.thank you
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reader, hugs2muchgal +, writes (1 October 2006):
hugs2muchgal is verified as being by the original poster of the question um hi
thanks for the advice...
his mom actually decided that she didn't want me there since i wasn't family so i dont have the problem of what to do there. i wish i could still support my boyfriend but his mom did give him permission to see me after the funeral tomorrow so i could comfort him.
so i wont be going which for the family, is for the best.
A
male
reader, Robin +, writes (29 September 2006):
Firstly check with his parents that it would be OK for you to attend the wake, as this is a Catholic event emotions will be running high in the religious department.If it is acceptable for you to attend then all other considerations are minor.As long as you are respectful to the family there should be no conflicts and I'm sure that your boyfriend will appreciate the support, he will in turn be supporting his immediate family, especially his mother, so a little help from you will be helpful.You are not family and by your admission not Christian and possibly not Catholic? So, you will need to keep a respectful distance from the viewing of the body maybe?Catholic wakes tend to be emotional and alchoholic affairs, much the same as any other really, gone are the days when tea and a cucumber sandwich were served, so be aware that you need maybe to make arrangements for return to your home after the event, safely.
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (29 September 2006):
 Your boyfriend wants you there for him so he is making you welcome, if his family aren't happy with it you will only upset someone by what you choose to do, you go you upset his family you don't go you upset him.
Maybe try talking to his mum and asking her if it is okay with her as he has asked you to go but you don't want to intrude if she or other family members might not be happy with you going.
Good luck :o)
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