| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have fallen in to this vicious circle that prevents me from relating with women. I generally judge them first and most of the times, i realize that i could not trust them. As i cannot trust them, i keep judging them to the extent of demeaning them to be worthless. I can trust men quite easily on the other side. Any advice on how do i work on accepting the differences between men and women?Perhaps I should really open an account... I post at least 4-5 questions a day and they are all Anonymous p />Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (30 March 2007):
 What you need to realize is that just because you have met some wowen who were not worthy of your trust is does not mean that they are all like that.
You cannot punish all for the mistake of just a few.
Regardless if it is a man or a woman, there are some you can trust and some you cannot. Each person has different standards.
By having this trust issue, you are the one who is missing out.
Allow yourself to experience life, whatever happens, you deal with it there and then. Being in between the ifs and buts is not a life.
Of course it is scary and it may not get easier overnight but you need to be brave.
If you do not give it a go, you will regret it and still feel miserable. By taking that chance, you may find the woman of your dreams.
Be strong and good luck
Angel of Love
A
female
reader, Bailey J +, writes (30 March 2007):
 What’s the reason for you not trusting women find this out and your on your way to sorting you situation out! Have you been hurt by a woman? is it because of the way you have been brought up? Is it that you feel inadequate when alone with a woman?
Whatever the reason you need to understand that not all women are the same just as not all men are the same. The trust issue lie with yourself and not with women. One you realise what it is that makes you feel this way, is when you on the road to recovery!!
Good Luck and Take Care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): Ok, let me try and sort this for you, your first part of the question was I have fallen in to this vicious circle that prevents me from relating with women. First of all whether people admit it or not this is what most people feel on a weekly basis
(example come on guys and girls how many times have women said “I hate men” when they’ve been dumped or guy’s said “all women are bitches”?)
with you it sounds like it’s more deep rooted,
We are all confused and baffled by the opposite sex yet we wouldent be without them really, theirs been numerous relationship books written on the subject theirs a very good reason why you like feel this,
When someone looks for a new relationship with someone who do they automatically think of?
There old partner and anything that’s happened in the past when they’ve been let down they make the focus on there past relationship bigger and trigger the same brain pattern with there new partner I mean they think that persons the same.
Your issue with women will pass I guarantee. I don’t think you have to spend hours talking this out with a therapist either this can do more harm then good sometimes, especially in your case as your Issues lay within the past anyway and digging them up will bring them all out and exentuate the problem you want to eradicate, you see your focus is making it bigger,
Try reading some of these books out there some of them can be really good, think of your time now as a training session for knowing what you want out of a relationship and to speak to and treat women (Being that friends or lovers),
The good thing is theirs no hurry in our fast paced world to date people yet, until you put some of this negative energy to bed, replace it with positive energy towards all people including women(which is the sex of your current agony aunt “me”)
You need to shift your focus and build your confidence I’m sure you will be fine
Look after yourself ?
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (30 March 2007):
 I think you have a deep rooted issue, and not one that can be fixed on here. There was most probably an incident that happend in your younger years to trigger this. We are all led by example, and in alot of cases its all down to conditioning.
Perhaps some sort of councilling will be able to identify what your issue is and help you in to understanding the differences more defined and clearly.
Nothing is ever as cut and dried as it first appears, and no one is the same as anybody else, you cannot judge everybody as the same.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): I think you should open and account. You post as annoymous, yet we are all in disguise! My real name isn't Shandy Pop! Put together a profile, it doesn't have to be much.
No back to your question. Have you been around women in your life? Have you got any sisters? Close to your mother? Grandmother? Has anything in your childhood maybe put ideas in your head connected to women? The reason i ask is because my cousin is similar to you and he was brought up in an all male household. His dad and older brothers brought him up. He has a strange attitude towards females.
Men and women are so different in lots of ways, and similar in others, it is hard to rationalise it all. But i think the more time you spend around women or a woman the more you get to understand them. It won't happen overnight or with just one or two dates! We can be so complex one minute and plainly simple the next.
Take care and keep in touch if you want.
xx
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