A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 36 years old and never married. I have been living with my boyfriend of 5 years for the last 3 years. I have a 13 year old daughter.(not his) Anyway, He convinced me to quit my job and help him build his buisness. Which I did, with no pay. Thinking if he wanted to build this life/buisness together that we would eventually marry and it wouldn't matter. Well, the buisness is growing rapidly and all but I feel like I am living without a net. Since the buisness is doing so well I felt it was time to have 'the talk' when are we going to get married? He then informs me that he has no intention of ever marrying me. "What good would a piece of paper do when things are so good between us" was his response. I feel so stupid and used, and at the same time I can't leave because I have no money and no car (all is in his name) and how would I care for my daughter with no money and no car? Plus, I love him, I do. I can't imagine life without him but getting married has always been a dream of mine,my dreams weren't of a great carrer, just being happily married with children. how do I accept that it will never happen for me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): Thank you all for your input, I have decided to talk about this with him again in a few days after I have calmed down. And also to request that I start getting some compensation for the work that I do. If he is unwilling to compensate me for my work, then I will go and find a new job. I do not believe that I will leave him if he chooses not to marry me, because I do love him and would rather be with him unmarried then without him. But I do need to get back my feeling of self worth. Thank you again.
A
female
reader, Fluro Girl  +, writes (4 October 2008):
 he is being really unfair to you.
He is right though, in a way. it is just a peice of paper and 2 rings. So, because it is just apeice of paper and 2 rings what's the harm in getting married? It would only take one day of his life. He is being really selfish. He asked you to quit your job for him, shouldn't you be allowed to ask for something in return? he doesn't even pay you.
I understand that you really love him and don't want to leave him but enpugh is enough,you should tell him that you want a job that actualy pays you so you can earn some money.
If you would concider doing what i have said maybe you wouldn't have to accept that marrige will never happen for you.
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A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (3 October 2008):
 First of all, do some research on "Common Law Marriage". You may be entitled to part of the money, which YOU helped earn. He knows exactly what he is doing. He's thinking if he is not married then he won't have to give up any of his business or money for a wife if a divorce or separation happens.
I really think he is playing you BAD!!
Honey if he said he has no intentions of marrying, then you will have to accept that fact. Either stay with him and unmarried and with NO money of your own or get busy researching the common law marriage. There are lawyers that will give you a free consult and you can ask questions there that will be 100% and you'll know what you can and can't do.
Please don't let this man use you any longer. Don't let him degrade you or your child. Find a way out, because your happiness is not with him. He's never had any thought of marrying you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It angers me greatly that some MEN are so shallow and such assholes.
Keep us informed of your thoughts and decisions and good luck sweetie,
Michelle
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A
female
reader, Faybelline  +, writes (3 October 2008):
 If marriage is that important to you tell your boyfriend how you feel. He might not realise that you see it like that.
You shouldn't feel stupid or used; I don't believe he has used you. He's right in a way, it shouldn't be about the legality and who owns what and a piece of paper won't change anything.
Obviously, for you and your daughter, security is important and you should discuss this with him. Don't let him brush it aside and, equally, try to understand his point of view and why he doesn't want to get married.
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A
male
reader, foreversingle29 +, writes (3 October 2008):
Well sweetie u may get married just not 2 him. if u want marriage u should get it. he knew what he was doing when he asked u 2 quit your job and help with the business. u have a few options, stay there and contend 2 being his live in gal/common law wife/independant sweet thang whom im not going 2 marry because i dont have 2, ms getting HER life back/slash finding a man that wants to marry me and give me and my child the world and a slip of paper or just deal its your choice. we sometimes do this when we get a little 2 comfortable. hope it works out and this helped
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A
female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (3 October 2008):
 don't except that it will never happen to you. let him know how you feel. you dropped what you were doing to help him and now at the least he can do is credit you wants and marry you. i have a similar situation a friend of mine has been in a relationship on and off for 15 years and the guy has still not married her. he's 39 and she's 38, now I'm sorry but like someone told me a long time ago if a man hasn't married in 3-5 years of your relationship, he probably never will which is sad. and if you want to get married and he says he never will then I suggest you move on before he does. but before you do start job hunting and tell him that you want to work on getting a car. trust me girl don't dig yourself in a ditch where you are a dependent, which is what it sounds like you've already done. so don't just leave him because he wont marry you but work on yourself for your daughters sake.
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (3 October 2008):
 You dont need to accept that it wont happen. Sit your partner down and say how much it means to you... if he still says no, ask him for some money when you work, save it up and then get out of there.
There is always state benifits. PLease dont stay in a situation where you are not 100% happy!
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