A
male
age
41-50,
*teamroller75
writes:I don't really know where to begin so I will back up to before we moved to this island. Four years ago my wife wanted a divorce. I could totally understand why at the time. I had gotten fat and lazy, letting her do most of the work while serving full time in the military. I was in a depression that was very hard to get out of. We agreed to continue to work things out and moved to Hawaii. When we first got here things were really looking up. However one day I was alerted to her having an affair with a buff, older, drunk. His wife contacted me and I was sure she was making things up, as I knew my wife was helping him with his alcoholism. Turns out that wife was right. They had an affair. I found out during our first marriage counseling session. Which it still feels like she only used it to come clean about the affair since we never went back after that. So we now were working on things a lot more. Two years later things seemed super blissful and we renewed vows. It was an awesome wedding. She told me she loves me more than ever. Now, less than a year since our wedding, she has given a blowjob to a guy while she was away. I saw the deleted text in her cell phone. I AM TOTALLY CRUSHED. She says everything is perfect with us. It was her insecurity and this guy was apparently super hot, she wanted to see if she could get him.She has been losing a lot of weight and getting into terrific shape, where I have lost mine again..though am working on it.. She says the bj was an achievement for her. And she hoped like hell I'd never find out. Talking to her she also told me that male friends of hers have been texting weiner pics to her, and she flirts text back with them. Now i'm even more paranoid there is other stuff happening that she won't admit to. This is twice she has cheated on me, and I don't know what to do. I love this woman, she is truly amazing, smart, funny, and sexy..and a gamer..perfect woman. I can't get over this hurt right now. I keep wondering how can you suck off another guy if everything is perfect? The text I saw read" Oh no. I'm bl^^^^ng. cant fuck. only suck." she said she really didn't know if she would have slept with him if she were not on her period.With all of this I have my own issues to boot. I kinda fancy the idea of a threesome, mmf or mff. I have offered to her the option of doing either or both. but she keeps saying it would change the dynamics of our relationship. So she would like to turn that down. I also told her if she was going to do something with someone else, just to ask me. I might say yes if I got to watch remotely. I've got a hella kinky side. (i think, who knows if I really do since I have yet to experience any of it) So my question is:How could she suck off a really hot guy if everything is great in our marriage? This is twice, do you think there is more she is not telling me?How do I get my appetite back, can't eat, this is bothering me and consuming my mind.
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affair, blow-job, cheated on me, crush, divorce, drunk, flirt, military, period, text, threesome, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): Maybe you aren't meeting her needs maybe you have don't have sex with her enough so she doesn't feel loved you still have a chance forgiveness is key but don't let her use you.
A
male
reader, justsomeoldman +, writes (28 April 2013):
Steamroller75,I am not glad or happy to be telling you this; I recognize that you're in a lot of pain. (I was once there. I married a girl who moved out, basically for no reason, she just didn't want to settle down, after ten days. I was two years getting over her. I loved her, she couldn't care less... My mistake.)I did, a few years later, marry a wonderful woman who actually loves me. Now, for 34 years. Oh yes, and counting...Still, what you're describing, long term cheating -- she's going to be unfaithful for as long as she is married to you; And, very likely, if/when she marries again, she's going to be unfaithful to that man too.This is just what long term cheating is. That's why it's called long term cheating.Decide what is fair, don't be greedy, and then be better than fair to her. And go on your way. Don't look back.I would, if I were you, look around for some Christians to talk to. But from what you've said, I'm pretty sure the two of you are done. Toast.Sorry.
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A
male
reader, justsomeoldman +, writes (28 April 2013):
No, your marriage is over. I'm pretty sure that if you were able to check you'd see this has been just the tip of the iceberg.
Sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): well, my friend, now that you have chosen to stay with her i strongly suggest you both to have some counselling to avoid this kind of situations in the future. she is obviously fantasizing a lot - and nothing is wrong with it- the problem is that she is having a hard time controlling herself, thats why she needs help. i wish you nothing by the best. i truly hope you can fix things with her.
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A
male
reader, Steamroller75 +, writes (21 January 2013):
Steamroller75 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, to be fair we have been together for a decade. Married seven years. Having spoken to her some more I am convinced its only been twice....she does suck at getting caught. The threesome thing, I felt really humiliated by the first affair a few years back. So, I think that idea came purely from getting used to the humiliation of those videos. I offered her an open relationship with ground rules, she flat out turned it down, swearing she would do everything in her power to get better. Her concern is she is fantasizing a lot about other guys. That part is normal, but the line needs to be drawn between fantasy and reality. I think it got the better of her. I know I fantasize about a lot of girls myself Talked to her about the remorse issue to which she replies "I also do feel remorse. I do feel horrible. I do think about doing horrible things a lot-but that doesn't mean I always go out and do them. Perhaps THAT is why I say I need help". Seems legit to me. So do I support her in this..she is after all my wife, and like I said..I really do love her. Marriage is not about always being in love nor happiness. It's about sharing your life with a partner for good or bad, cuz we all know there is plenty of both. Maybe she does not respect me, but she does acknowledge I'm a hella awesome guy. Before we renewed she thought it over as well, and like me, can't imagine life without each other.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (20 January 2013):
I'm guessing there is more that she's not telling you, otherwise she's just a really bad cheater because the only two times she did it she got caught.
If I was you I'd be very concerned that she can't be faithful even when she's happy. To me that means there isn't much you can do to prevent this from happening in the future.
I'd tell her that she obviously isn't ready to be committed so you need to open up the relationship so you can have these threesomes you're interested in. Then at least you can feel like you get something out of it as well.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 January 2013):
She's not the perfect woman though, is she. Actually, I'd say she is an extremely nasty piece of work. Okay, so there were problems in the marriage, and you both agreed to address them. Let's say that the first affair she had was a mistake, and chalk that one down to the problems at the time.
However, the second affair tells you all you need to know about her. You can't even be sure if this is just the second - and I don't think it is. I'll place a bet that she's done it a lot more than this. To actively cheat again, then claim "I wanted to see if I could get him", and then claim that she can't be sure she wouldn't have had sex with him, says everything.
Things are not perfect, my friend, and they never were. She's a cheat who is embarrassing you, hurting you and being cruel. Time to get out of this marriage and find someone better, or you'll just be a laugh to her, and that would be a shame because you worked hard to sort your own problems out.
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reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 My man youre way too soft with this woman. Shes sees that u r hates it n shows u by cheating. In a way this is your fault cause youre not masculine enough for her. I say that respectfully. Listen this is finished. Its gonna be a drama roller coaster from here on out. U want that? Get rid of her. Have some guts n dont tolerate n dont listen to any apology or anything. As far as the group do it with strangers n onli u not her itll be way more fun n u wont have to worry about feelings or dynamics or any of that bs. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): first at all, by the way you are describing the whole situation is contradictory. you fancy the idea of a three some. with another man?? and then you told her to ask you if she can sleep with another guy and watch them?? does that turn you on? i dont know man, i would never ever share my wife with anybody.... get your s**t together.
about her being unfaithful, well, theres really dont much to say, she is a cheater and she doesnt respect you at all, there is no excuse or any valid reason to cheat on. if you are not ok with your partner then break up, then get laid with whoever you want. dont blame yourself by your looks, if you gain weight or not, i've seen many couples who one partner -man or woman- is overweight and still faithful to each other. and what about this thing about she being insecure, so she wanted to see if she could get the hot dude. are you freking kidding me? what a lack of respect and a lame excuse bro!! and her male friend sending her pics of their dicks??? what kind of friends does she have??? she has probably slept with all of them. please open your eyes and dump the b**ch right away!! get a good lawyer and kick her ass off your home, she deserves NOTHING she is a cheater and a lier! she blew some dudes c**ck and is not even one year since your vows renewal!! just reading your post pissed me off man! how could you be withsomebody like that? is better leaving alone than with being doubting of her all the time, relationships are supossed to make you feel loved, safe not to make your life a leaving hell. i seriously suggest you get two things asap, a good lawyer and a good counsellor for your depression issues. good luck and my best wishes to you. be strong bro.
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