A
male
age
41-50,
*igsnizzle
writes:Hi, im 25 and my girlfirend 23. i am a college student with one more year to go. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. I took her virginity and we never use condoms. at first we used pull-out method, but after a few pregnancy scares, she decided to get on the pill. She's only been on the pill since about Febuary of this year and since then, she's taken em late and on two seperate occassions, she forgot to take it altogether. None of us can really afford to have a child now, but she doesn't seem to be taking birth control seriously. Is it normal for a woman to forget to take her pill two consecutive days in a row? I know she loves me and we plan to marry when i finish school and get a good job, so i know she's not trying to "trap" me by getting pregnant on purpose. Tell my what you all think of the situation please.
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male
reader, pigsnizzle +, writes (9 September 2008):
pigsnizzle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses! You're all great. I do I agree that i shouldn't lay all the responsibility on her, that would be selfish and stupid. I never thought i would be having sex with out a condom until i was sure i was in the best postion to take care of a child, but when my girl friend basically told me she doesn't want to use condoms, i didn't protest. My mom, dad, sister, brothers, and cousins all tell me i should use a condom too. As for Comments By Dr. Vendetta, i know full well what i was getting into when i decided to take my girlfriend's virginity! I love her and we will be married within the next two years! And i will be a great father to my children! Thank you for your comments anyway Dr. V lol
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): A pull-out method is not "birth control," it's just Russian Roulette by way of denial. As for pills, it's not unusual to forget a pill now and then. (As long as it's really only NOW AND THEN.) Don't convict her of plotting against you just because of this alone.I think both of you might be building up to getting pregnant whether you will openly say it or not.You don't have to make a conscious decision to get pregnant just to start unconsciously working towards arranging it. I know a couple of people who insist that they "weren't trying to get pregnant" when they did. Except that after years of religiously taking precautions, they suddenly started repeatedly "forgetting" their pills or condoms right at the same time their partner was threatening to leave them. It's amazing how often that kind of stuff conincides.
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A
female
reader, :):):)  +, writes (4 September 2008):
As I see the other aunts have already given you lots of advice, I'll keep it short. You can buy a case for pills with an alarm that goes off when they are needed to be taken.Don't be too hard on her, there are plenty of other options.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (3 September 2008):
 Hello, my darling -
So she's flaky. I am too. So, I got a different kind of birth control... one that I don't have to remember to take every day. I use the Nuva ring, but there are lots and lots and lots of options for her. The Pill is not the end all be all of birth control!
Not to mention, YOU have an awful lot of options yourself. If you want to be more careful, don't leave this responsibility to her alone... you can protect yourself too! Take charge, don't leave this completely to her. Buy condoms, spermicide, take care of yourself.
You have a LOT of options. Don't stick the whole responsibility on her and if you do, get her a birth control method that's right for her - clearly this one isn't. Go to your doctor and talk about the options.
Good luck!
xx India
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (3 September 2008):
I think it indicates a personality characteristic that's part of what makes her, uniquely HER. As a couple, you two can simply accept it as "one of those things that happens", or work around it by using additional or back-up birth control, or label her "forgetful" and "scatterbrained" and use it as an excuse to break up.
The fact that you two used withdrawal for contraception says that either you are both risk-takers (that's not all bad), or that neither of you see an unplanned pregnancy as an unqualified disaster (in fact, it's not). But sex is something you do WITH somebody, not TO somebody, and you BOTH have a responsibility for contraception. Reading between the lines a bit, it looks like several millenia of social conditioning have left you with the sub-conscious belief that "it's always the girl's problem".
Speaking hypothetically for a moment here: What's the big deal, anyway? Can't you just slip on a condom? OK, (you reply), it disrupts the flow of making love. And, at that moment, I have other things on my mind and don't always remember. Besides, when I finish twitching it just feels so good to go soft inside her and cuddle and doze - nobody wants to pull out and take off the condom and wash up. Well, (she interjects), maybe you DO understand after all! Taking a pill just isn't part of my routine. I'm busy combing my hair and making a lunch and finding my keys and lots of other stuff. When I think of it there isn't any water handy. I DON'T have sex on my mind every minute, so why should I think about taking my pills? And what would my mother think if she saw me taking them? (End hypothetical discussion.)
This is an example of situations that married people face all the time. It's actually a LOT like buying a house or taking a job or joining a church or volunteering for the Red Cross or a thousand things couples do in a relationship. There really are MANY solutions to this particular problem, though one (or both) of you may find some of them totally unacceptable. Options like refraining from sex until you're wanting to have children. Or surgical sterilization. But there are also about a dozen less drastic options for contraception. Some are more reliable than others; some affect one partner more than the other; some have more physiological side effects than others; some are more expensive than others; some are more psychologically annoying than others.
In the end, this isn't really a question about contraception. It's a question about how two unique persons interact to form a third "person" (called a "relationship" or a "couple" or a "marriage"). The pop psychology that litters the bookstores and magazine racks will try to tell you it's about "communication", but it's REALLY about things like responsibility and consideration and compromise and respect and personal values and selfishness and negotiation.
Are you serious about the ". . . we plan to marry . . . " comment, or is that a vague phrase you use to boost your social status, justify your sexual activity, and put a veneer of respectability on your relationship? (That question sounds a lot harsher than I meant it to be, but I'd like you to take an honest, big-picture look at your situation.) If you ARE serious there are some fundamental things you two need to be working on. Perhaps you are - and please accept my apologies for dwelling on what you already know. But I suspect this matter of contraception and sexual practice is getting in the way of more significant discussions. The process you use for solving this problem could tell you a lot about what your marriage may become, confirm that your decision to marry is sound, or point to areas that need some development. I wish the best for you!
(You might look at the thread "Should we get engaged?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-we-get-engaged.html ].)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): Do you ever forget to take pills when a doctor prescribes them? Yes it is normal. If it is worrying you though, maybe you can use condoms too. the pill is not 100% effective. The pill can be less effective when someone is taking medication on top of it and if she forgets a day or two.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (3 September 2008):
 Its normal to forget i used to do it all the time. Use a condom as well so theres no chance of pregnancy x
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (3 September 2008):
 calm down... i never remembered to take the pill...
she can always go on the implant.. called implanon. this is insterted under your arm and stays current for 3 years... you can have it taken out at anytime aswell. Then she wont need to remember anything.
go to your local gum clinis for more info
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (3 September 2008):
 #1 : "How could she be so careless with birth control?"#2: "I took her virginity and we never use condoms. at first we used pull-out method"YOU took up the responsibility of being her first.YOU never used condoms.and YOU used the pull out method.You are responsible for not using protection to begin with, so get off your careless high horse and realise you are as much to blame.You know what. i hope you break up or hopefully you're shooting blanks as you're going to make a damn rotten father.You're a blaming YOUR problems and YOUR mistakes on other people.Grow up - and buy some rubbers or get snipped.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 September 2008):
 Yea I get to use the line I stole...NO BALLOON NO PARTY. You're a big boy, take responsibility for your own actions.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (3 September 2008):
 why dont you take care of your own dangle and wrap it in a protective material when having sex condom prehaps?
You cant put all the sexual protection responsibilities especially with the amount of scares you are having take a step and wrap you piece if shes being irrisponsible unless you want more of a scare soon
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A
female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (3 September 2008):
 I think it's normal for your partner to forget occasionally, with the times and even altogether - sometimes two days in a row! Just like medication, I know i've forgotten to take that before.
But, because she ISN'T all that great at remembering to take the pill at the proper time each day and you're both not ready for a child. I suggest using a condom in future - just in case she does get pregnant. As the pill won't function how it's supposed to if she doesn't take it properly.
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